My blog posts always have a topic. A reason. The more time that goes by, the more I find that a day, or two, or three will go by without an inspiration for a post. At least not one in the style I have been doing. Boy when I started, post topics and ideas poured through me, day and night! I had loads of ideas and I was anxious to write. I still love the idea of writing a post every day, but the inspirations are lessening. At least at the moment. And I don't push myself to perform here. Or maybe I do. But not too much. This blog is for me, about me, and can be whatever I want it to be. So far, that has been sharing my trials with trying to get healthier and become more environmentally conscious. But it also about finding balance in my life. Finding happiness. And I have come quite a way since beginning this blog. I understand and accept that achieving happiness is not really a goal, but a process, a journey, a lifestyle. So every now and then I just feel like updating. Just journaling. Why not?
So what's up with me? Well, I guess in every arena, I'm still working to achieve a place that I find to be good for me. I am working on eating and feeding my family better. It's harder than I thought. I am working with the Natural Health Improvement Center, and trying to follow their suggestions. It's not immediate, it hasn't changed my life dramatically, but it has encouraged me to make a few small changes each week, and I am reading and learning about these changes. I am truly understanding that it is not about cutting this or that out of everyone's diet forever. It's about replacing foods that are nutritionally empty and replacing them with foods that are nutrient dense. And not losing it if we eat poorly at a meal, because overall we're doing better. And overall we've always done ok. It hasn't changed the fact that cooking is a chore for me, but it does change the way I feel about what we put into our bodies, and how that relates to health and illness, mood, role modeling for our kids, and so forth.
I am continuing to exercise. Hubby and I continue to work out together, though we are trying to switch from night time work outs to morning work outs, which are challenging with the kids. I appreciate that he wants to continue to try, and I am proud of both of us for doing it in the first place. I cannot say that I crave exercise, or look forward to the workouts, but I feel good afterwards, and know that it is so good for me. I know that it helps my mood, my digestion, and so many other things. So... onward with that. And I finally got a Wii balance board, which is kinda cool. Hard to work out with other people with it, and the workouts aren't nearly as challenging so far as the other Wii exercise disc is, but maybe we haven't quite figured it out yet.
My mood is decent. I can't say it's better than that, and usually not too much worse. I'm plugging along. My friend's recent diagnosis of breast cancer has had sort of a double effect on me. On the one hand, it makes me upset and angry and feel helpless, and yes, even scared. On the other hand, finding ways to rally people to help her and her family during this time has rekindled the desire in me to help others. It has always been what has driven me. After leaving my last job before having kids, I was so entirely burned out from the work that I basically hated the idea of working, period, for a long time. After I got over that, it took me quite a while to stop feeling angry and resentful towards the place itself. Until the last couple of days, I haven't had feelings about it at all. Now I remember why I'm here. Now I remember that I can help others and I want to! And I know there are ways for me to do so in a positive, exciting, interesting and educating way. And I'm getting enthusiastic to start looking for my place again. Once DS is in school, it is basically an expectation that I return to work asap to help offset some of our expenses. With one in private school, and another possibly headed that way too, we're gonna need the extra income. No, being in the helping fields will not push us up too many tax brackets, but if I find a place that I am thrilled to be at, I can and will work my way up as high as I can go, and I will do so with energy and enthusiasm.
My health seems to be pretty good, though I have some weird things going on. For one, over the last couple of weeks, I become cold very easily, and I have trouble stopping it once it starts. Yes, I know, it sounds like a thyroid issue, and maybe it is. But it only happens at home, which is just weird. For weeks now I have been sneezing while downstairs in our home. And now my son's cheeks seem to turn red while downstairs. My daughter's too, but not as dramatically. So there's something irritating in the house. Could it be the not-quite finished basement, paint, plaster dust, and all that? It could be. I don't know!
And so that's it. I haven't been sewing too much since my friend's diagnosis. My mind has been elsewhere, and my need has been to research online on her behalf. And that's been ok.
I'm lonely, but that's sort of a constant. I am pretty much too busy to think about it much, but man I could use some folks to laugh with. Hubby and I are so entrenched in the job that is our home and family that we don't have much time to just be ourselves and to laugh and enjoy each other's company. He almost seems to be in the space that I was in when I started this blog. Easily angered, frustrated, unhappy. Hopefully the end of winter will change that. I have people in my life who are friendly and seem to care. But they are always sort of at arm's length. It's rare for someone to invite me out or initiate something or to invite me or us to a party or whatever. Perhaps I've created this. I probably have. But whatever. I'm content, and I plug along.
And I'm doing a pretty poor job with the purge this month (cloth stuff, clothing, old towels, sheets, etc.) though I have gotten rid of some. I had big ideas.... and today is the last day of the month. But I can still do cloth in addition to whatever April's purge focus is. I'll have to check.
Thanks for reading. =)
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