Selective Mutism At My House - School Field Trips

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Guessing Game (parenting)

Something is going on with my little boy. He wouldn't let me go out to dinner last night, even though his grandmother was here, and he is very comfortable with her. He couldn't fall asleep last night. He was up at least an hour later than usual and said he wasn't tired. He finally went to sleep when I went with him. Then he was up before 5 a.m. today. And when a child is off, the entire family is off. What could be going on?

The obvious first thought is illness. Poor goob. It's possible. Seems as if he was fighting something last week. But I guess it is that time of year for all sorts of bugs to come home with DD from school and with DH from work. But he doesn't have any of the usual symptoms, like runny nose. Still possible and most likely.

It could be tension. Could it? I don't know, but I believe that stress plays a bit part in how smoothly the routine goes in life and at home. Two weeks ago I took him to school. He was very excited about it. Too excited. He did great, but after a short time became overwhelmed and too tired to continue. He was encouraged to continue anyway, and he was in total meltdown mode when we left. His second day of school was similar. He did great for about an hour and a half, then was completely done. Once again the pressure was put on him to continue, and that was too much. Another total meltdown as we got ready to leave. After that he didn't want any part of school, even though the majority of the experience was positive. I took him out, making the decision that he simply wasn't ready yet. I was hoping that I got him out before the anxiety became a lasting thing, but I'm not sure I made it. He seems to have a school hang-over, at the tender age of 2. Darn it.

Then sometimes there's a little tension at home. DS had agreed to let us go out last night, but once we were in the car, he became very upset. Grandma grabbed him, and that made things worse. He entered panic mode, which is where he was when I got to him. DH was very frustrated that we couldn't go out, something he looked forward to very much. So he was upset, and felt angry at DS. Then DD, who battles with pretty intense anxiety, waffled about whether she was comfortable with us going out or not. (I honestly thought she would be the one to get in the way of the outing, not DS) So she went back and forth between starting to cry at the prospect of us going out and the prospect of us NOT going out. By the time we were in the driveway, she almost needed us to go out. She had simply gotten her head around that plan, and had worked hard to get herself to that place. And then there's me, monkey in the middle. All the time. I understand DD. I understand DH. I also understand grandma with her gentle urging to go despite the kids' upset. (just not the way I work) And I empathize with DS. I know that there is something wrong, and if all was well, he wouldn't be acting and feeling this way. Instinct says to hug him rather than push him into this situation.

So who knows? Instinct is a strong thing, and I'm following mine. That's all I can do.

First Day of School

DD has been at school now for 30 minutes.

I woke DD up at about 6:50 a.m. She got up right away. I carried her downstairs and set her on the couch where her little brother was waiting for her.

I made breakfast, and gave it to them.

Both kids enthusiastically assisted with the transfer of the fish from their temporary home back to the plastic fishy bags that came from the pet store.

I get dressed. Hubby notes that we had better get DD dressed. It was fast approaching 8:00 a.m. Got DD dressed, and she's just starting to show signs of stress. I grab her shoes, and she tells me she wants to put them on herself. (Neat) I head of to put stuff in the car, and the full panic attack hits. And DS starts to get into the act, too. While hubby bolts the door to keep DS inside, DD bolts upstairs and locks herself in her room, screaming. I go right up behind her and unlock the door. A surprised girl then screams some more and crawls into her closet. I gently extract her, trying to gently reassure her. I start to walk with her, and she tells me that she will walk herself. (Again, impressive!) I ask her if she will walk herself. She gets down and does so. DD then needs to go to the bathroom. I wait for her to do so, with a real urgency to get out the door for DS's sake, as he has entered full panic mode at this point. DD finishes, and we head out the door. I clip her in and hand her the fish. We drive. DD self talks all the way. She processes the bathroom (she never used the bathroom on her own at her former school) She wants to identify a friend to inform if she needs to call me to help her in the bathroom. I remind her that if she has to go, she just goes. She processes this, saying that she'll go right when she gets there, right before every class, and before going out for recess. She adds here and there that she'll go if her pull-up leaks. Yep, she insisted on wearing a pull-up today. I reminded her that she shouldn't need to use it, it's just there for reassurance. And so forth. She actually said at one point that she doesn't know why she gets nervous. I took that opportunity to remind her that sometimes people with a lot of anxiety see low-stress situations as being very threatening until we become familiar with them. Etc. I was really impressed with her processing. She did have a panic attack, but then faced the situation maturely (she is only 6 years old!) and faced it like the brave warrior that she is.

We arrived. One of the teachers is waiting on the curb (forget her name - damn!) and greets us. Immediately DD's head teacher is there, and greets DD in her mellow style. She delves right in to talking about the fish (awesome) and asks DD about their names. DD answers her confidently. (Atta girl!!) Teacher says bye to me, and I drive away. I watch as DD walks with the teacher. DD carries her back pack (which I said was empty but isn't - it has her lunch. Shoot - hope she finds it!) Teacher carries her heavy bag of school supplies. She glanced at it with a slightly surprised look (hey, it's only stuff they said they require!) and carried that in for DD.

And so. I stopped at the Y as planned, and went home. And found that hubby and DS were gone. Hm. I predicted that DS was so upset that hubby didn't know what else to do with him but drive. I called him, and that's basically what transpired. They returned a minute later. Both were calm. I hugged DS and talked to him a little bit about the morning, and said that we were all nervous this morning, but we're all ok now. He said he was ok. I got hubby up to speed with the drop-off, and he left for work.

So now I watch the clock a little, write this, spend time with DS, and try to have awareness of my own tension. (I feel exhausted, slightly pre-headachey, and anxious to have the day be done) But I move forward. DS wants to play computer games, so that's what we'll do. Then DD's best friend's mom invited me and DS to go meet her and her kids for a picnic at a local park. So we'll plan to go do that. And we'll go from there.

Breathe in, breathe out. Love you, sweetheart. And thinking of you nonstop.

Montessori - Latest visit

So we visited. This morning. For an hour and a half.

Let's just say the teacher and Head of School got a good idea of what they may be up against in the first weeks of school. Hm.

At the moment, they have camp going on in the classroom where DD will have school. The room was filled with quiet, busy children. DS marched right in, as is his style. DD timidly followed him. The HOS had informed the teacher that DD would be coming in, so she made a point to come spend time with us. DD from the start was more timid with both of them than the last time. The teacher attempted several times to engage DD in conversation, with little response. She did sit with the two of them and engaged in the "work" that DS had chosen. (A bead-stacking game) I scootched back a bit to try to give them a little space. DD was very aware of my every movement! At one point the HOS asked me to come meet with her in her office. DD would have none of that. She informed me that she would be coming with me. The HOS decided to wait on the meeting. I decided to walk around the room, and informed DD that I was doing so. She insisted on going with me, even though I informed her I'd be in her line of sight at all times. The teacher than informed DD that I would be going into a meeting, and DD threw a fit. She insisted on going, too. She was informed that she would need to sit outside the door. When the teacher attempted to close the door, DD pitched a fit. I suggested we leave the door open a crack, and she agreed to that. While I spoke with the HOS, DD counted to 100 twice. She then informed me she had done so, and agreed to count again. Etc. Several times during the meeting, DS walked in, and was guided out again. Sighs. This just sucks! Anyhow, the HOS showed me a book on anxiety that she had bought, and gave it to me to borrow for two days. I like that she is doing her homework on this stuff. That's cool. And reassuring. The teacher seems more firm. The HOS asked me, point blank, if I would give the teacher permission to carry DD in to school on the first day if need be. I (sick to my stomach) said yes. Have I mentioned that this sucks?

Anyhow, that's how it went. The kids played on the playground for a few minutes after we left, and DS cried when we left saying he would miss the kids! Different kids!!

When we got home, I asked DD if, anxieties aside, she thought she could like the school. She said yes. And she is focusing (kudos to her!) on getting her own fish for the classroom fish tank, and did leave the school discussing that with the teacher, who said she couldn't wait to see it.

Blagh. Orientation night, for parents, on Thursday.

Breathe In, Breathe Out

School will be starting again soon. Very soon. 14 days. But writing that makes it feel as if it's not really that soon, so already I feel a bit better writing this down. But it's still looming. And I feel it in every cell of my body. Ugh.

Here's the deal. DD is extremely anxious about school. I have written a little about this before. She has what I call an unofficially diagnosed anxiety disorder. Whatever that means. What it means in real life is that she handles transitions differently than the "average" child. This is true for small transitions, such as a friend arriving or leaving, to huge transitions, such as starting a new school. She handles the smaller transitions by never saying hello or goodbye when people arrive or leave (that includes strangers or those who are close to her, including me.) She handles the bigger transitions in direct ways ("I won't be going to school) and indirect ways (large fear of needing to use the bathroom while at school, which became such an intense focus during the end of the last school year that it spanned the summer break.)

To add to this, DD is being parented by not one, but two people who also have some difficulty managing anxiety effectively. Ak! For my part, I'm not always sure I can make the best decisions for her based on my tendency to avoid stressful situations myself. I spend a lot of time processing and questioning every situation. I also come at all of this with a bit of impatience. Not lack of empathy. Of that I have plenty. But I do become impatient easily. And so.

This year, DD will be attending a new school. No, not the easiest thing for a child with transition issues. But I strongly feel that the potential benefits of the new school will make the transition worth while. I am so hopeful!!

When faced with a transition, I try to mentally pull myself back from the situation and look at it objectively. What makes a new situation less scary? Familiarity, right? So I've made it my job to help DD become familiar with the new school. I tried on four different occasions to get together with the family of another girl who attends the new school. When I visited the school with DD (the visits are normally drop-off, but not with DD! She would have none of that.) there were three girls who approached us, after we had been there for an hour, to gently say hello. There was one who especially impressed me as being someone that DD might bond with. I contacted her mother, who readily agreed to get together with us. But after four attempts, and four times of it not working out on their end, I gave up. Damn! I kept in close contact with the Head of School, and communicated openly with her about DD's anxieties and the potential for a difficult initial transition. She agreed with me that several visits to the school during the summer would be a good idea. This has translated into two visits (sighs,) the second of which is today. Just before the first visit a couple of weeks ago, the Head of School informed me that the Lower Elementary school teacher had announced that she was leaving. Ok, glad we didn't bond too much with her! The visit was scheduled on a day the new teacher would be there setting up. They had summer camp going on that day, and DD and DS got to see that in action. They were invited into the room with the kids, and DS quickly jumped in. In her style, DD followed him. I had that opportunity to talk with the new teacher, and the HOS, for a few minutes. DD came back to check in with me about once every two minutes. DS ignored me completely. Different kids!! The teacher made attempts to talk with DD, which were fairly successful. To her credit, she asked DD about things she was interested in, taking the spot light off of her. This is a very good tactic with DD, and she spoke freely about her garden and her cats. We had the opportunity to go out on the playground for a few minutes before leaving. DD very much wanted to go back in to say goodbye - a very good sign. I had spoken with the HOS about the camp program, and thought that it would be a very good thing for both kids to attend one week of camp. DD could get more used to the classroom she would be in, and she could be there with DS for the week. Can you guess how that went over? She flat out refused, saying she would just start school there. Ok.....

That visit was two weeks ago. In the meantime, we have had to purchase some supplies and start planning for the start of school. Of course this has meant increased anxiety on DD's part, and a few "I'm not going to school"s. And an increased concern about the bathroom.

You see, DD refuses to use the bathroom at school. Unless I'm there. Which I'm not. At the end of last school year, she was wearing a pull-up. No kidding. It was the difference between going to school a little tearful and nervous, and her having a full-out panic attack at drop-off. And this was a school she had been at for two years. It's not that she is unable. She is perfectly independent in this area at home, and often will insist on going on her own while we're out. (yay!) But not at school.

So yesterday I made the decision to offer her the pull-up option for the first week of school. Oh I didn't want to do that! But DD will also be asked to walk in to the school, from my car, with the teacher, and not me. And that's new. And scary. And huge. And after all, is it really that big a deal? Can we focus on a few mountains at a time? Will her stubborn-ness make that a bad decision in the long run? Will the new school make me proud of my decision and ease her anxiety enough to encourage her to face her fears in this area? At what point do I push? And how hard?

Let me add to all of this that DD also won't eat at school. Is this because eating results in need of the bathroom? Yes, probably. But she also doesn't like to do anything that people can watch her doing, without her approval, and that includes eating. This became an issue back in pre-k, at snack time. The kids were asked the "question of the day" while the ate, and DD refused both!

And so on.

So I'm a nervous wreck. And trying not to show it!! And of course kids are very aware.

To the school's credit, they are working with me to help her. The HOS bought a book on child anxiety. She has offered some ideas, such as suggesting DD have her own fish in the class fish tank. (Nice one! DD is very psyched about this!) And she has been very open to talking with me.

So today we visit again. And the countdown is on. Breathe in, breathe out. I just reminded her, and got an emphatic "No! I don't want to!" Ohhhhhhh.......

Hostage

My daughter is 5. She has undiagnosed (except by me) generalized anxiety disorder. And that's ok. But it's challenging.

One aspect of this is that transitions are challenging for her. This has always been true. The way this manifests itself these days is for her to put up tremendous opposition to moving on to the next "event." An example of this: This morning I suggested to her that we take her little brother to the library for the parent/child program. Keep in mind she has been to this program many times, and always enjoys it. And once she's there, she doesn't want to leave. And so! But regardless of this fact, she stated that she didn't want to go. As a general rule, if either of my kids really doesn't want to go out, I don't push it. We all have days where we just don't feel like facing things. But usually, they are pretty enthusiastic about heading out to have a good time. So armed with all of this knowledge, I pushed. I told her that I felt that it was good for her brother, who really enjoys being there. I reminded her that she always enjoys it, too. Etcetcetc. She stated over an over again, for an hour that she didn't want to go. So I gave her the option of staying home. With someone else. Another part of her anxiety is that she is very reluctant to stay with anyone other than me, and that includes her father a lot of the time. (SIGHS!) So of course she said no to that idea. She stated that someone else should take her brother, while I stayed home with her. Now I am real with my daughter - may more so than I should be. I informed her that I did not plan to be stuck at home all of the time because she doesn't want to go out and doesn't want to stay with someone else. (I am irritated by this point, even though it's practically a daily discussion) I inform her that she has a choice of either coming with us to the program, or staying home with someone else. And I feel good about giving her options. It makes me feel that I am not forcing her to go somewhere she doesn't want to go, that the final decision IS hers.

In any event, after trying to convince her brother that he didn't want to go (he did) she reluctantly came along. But here's the next phase of her anxiety. She is afraid to go anywhere because she's afraid she'll need to use the bathroom on the way. This is something we are working on, but it is very frustrating for all, and adds to the angst that is every outing we go on. So I do as I always do, inform her that we're leaving, and encourage her to use the bathroom. And as always, she informs me that she'll go "right before we leave." And as always I then inform her that we are heading out the door. So she goes. Then she jumps into a discussion about how she just knows she has to go again, and on and on and on. And go into my part of the discussion, which is to remind her that she just went, and that she has successfully managed car rides before this one, etcetcetc. She is actually on a reward system for this one. But that's another post.

So at long last we are all in the car, and on our way. With bathroom breaks sandwiching the program, we do actually get there, and as predicted, both kids have a good time, and darling daughter doesn't want to leave. But it is a reward of sorts for me, who is then off the hook for having "made" her go in the first place. She genuinely seems surprised, once we're out, that she is having such a good time and is happy.

But it's work. And I get tired of it. And I know it's not her fault. I know she would rather not have these issues. And I feel for her. But I feel, sometimes, too often, that I am held hostage by her anxiety issues. I rarely get out of the house or do anything without the children. When I do, I worry about getting home before too much time has gone by. And I am envious, sometimes, of the other parents who go out with other adults. On a consistent basis. Hubby and I very rarely have time together without the kids. And that's hard on us.

But I remind myself of how lucky I am. How very lucky. And we move forward. And it's all ok.

Essential Oils - Chamomile For Hives

Both of my kids have been fighting a virus. First my daughter, last week, and now my son. Both kids broke out in hives! (On different days, but in the same areas) My son went to the doctor yesterday for another condition, and was checked for allergic reaction at that time, so it is my belief the hives are due to the virus, and not an allergic reaction to something environmental. When my son broke out in hives this morning, I did a Google search on essential oils for hives, and three were recommended the most: chamomile, lavender and peppermint. I chose chamomile, as I've read before that it is ok for kids. I have chamomile German. There is also Chamomile Roman (I think it is.) It didn't specify, so I used what I have. I rubbed the oil right on the hives, and they immediately started to go down. The redness went out of my son's skin. He continued to get outbreaks after that, to which I also applied the oil, which then went down. After using the oil, I did give my son a little oral Benadryl, only because we had a long drive ahead of us and I wanted him to be comfortable. We ended up not going..... but I was and am pretty impressed with the results of Chamomile oil! I am carrying it around with me in case he has more patches of hives today.

Essential Oils For Eczema IN CHILDREN

I recently posted about my success with using bergamot oil for eczema for myself. I have received a few replies from folks who have kids with eczema. I appeal to you with children. Essential oils are great for kids! But not ALL essential oils. In fact there are a number of EOs that are NOT recommended for use on children.

After receiving those messages, I referred to the book Aromatherapy for the Healthy Child by Valerie Ann Worwood. She has a few recommendations, which include soothing oat baths, a calamine lotion mix, a vegetable oil bath, an anxiety relieving bath and an oil mix. Bergamot is part of the oil mix, but it is a small part. I am happy to share more information on any of the above. For single essential oils, she recommends the following:

Camomile German (which I have used with good results)
Yarrow
Lavender*
 Elemi
Ho-wood
Palmarosa

*Please note. Lavender essential oil has been linked to hormone disruption in boys. (I don't have the link handy, but a Google search would bring it up) It is an issue with daily use (from shampoo, etc.) I use it occasionally in the bath, and I'm not overly concerned about it. But do your homework just so you know the facts. Basically the two boys with the symptoms had enlarged breasts due to chronic exposure, and in both cases the condition resolved itself with the removal of the oil.

Selective Mutism

My daughter is having a tough time at school at the moment. Mostly at school. I wrote about it recently: Peace in Patterns?

This morning I received an email from my daughter's kindergarten teacher:

Just wanted to let you know how much (Dear Daughter) has been in my thoughts this week.  I know she is going through a lot of anxiety and you must be too!  If you want to talk, let me know.

Also, I am attaching a website for you to look at.  I am not an expert, but I think that many of (DD's) behaviors fit the profile of selective mutism.  I thought you might want to look at it.  I am always an advocate for too much information rather than not enough. 


(Signed DD's teacher)


She included this link.


I was floored. Not only did this "diagnosis" basically describe my daughter to a T, but it also described ME! Well! I'm floored. I immediately told dear hubby about it, and sent him the link. Basically, in a nutshell, it describes a child who, in certain situations, becomes so anxious, he/she literally cannot speak. The fear of the situation is all consuming. That's us. That's US! I dealt with that fear all the way through school, including college. And now it's affecting her, too. Wow.


I encourage anyone interested to go to the link above. It's a lot to read, but it's fascinating. And being one who is totally intensely shy in certain situations, I especially appreciated the emphasized point that in treatment, the child is not to be forced to speak! The emphasis is on making the child feel comfortable and understood. It emphasized that parents and teachers should support the child in every situation, and praise him/her for what he/she is able to do, when the timing is right. 


Yes, the treatment suggestions include therapy and maybe medicine, which I'm not crazy about, but I understand that it could be helpful in some ways. 


Regardless, I am excited to know more about this "diagnosis" and to know what we can do to help DD manage her anxiety. If I can learn how to manage mine at the same time, double bonus. But I have created a mostly low-stress environment around myself, so my need is not acute. 


But she's got years and years of scary school/other situations to face, so if we can make that less awful, well, let's do it. 


THANKS S!!

Peace In Patterns?

My daughter, who is 5 1/2, experiences a higher degree of anxiety in certain situations than other kids her age. While this is true in her every day life, her anxiety peaks at certain times, or in certain situations. She is currently experiencing a peak.

The source of her anxiety, on the surface, is that she is afraid to use the bathroom at school. This has been true since she started pre-k, last year. She has refused to go all this time. Amazingly, only twice during the last two school years, she has had accidents. Twice! That's pretty incredible, considering she is at school this year for six hours at a time. I couldn't do it, that is for sure! That being said, she has not been particularly stressed about all of this. She simply made her mind up that she wasn't going to go while at school, and she hasn't. So last week, seemingly out of the blue, she decided to start thinking about it. Recently she has made some other changes at school as well. She used the water fountain during the school day, and she considered eating a treat during various birthday celebrations at school. Big changes for her.

Anyhow, I said that the source of her anxiety on the surface is the issue of the bathroom. Having experienced her surge in anxiety last year at just about this time, I think that the true source of the anxiety is the impending end of the school year, the change in routine that summer vacation brings, and the knowledge that she will be attending a different school next year.

But she's five, she can't recognize that, so she's projecting her fears on something much more tangible. This year it's the bathroom. Last year it was an obsessive fear of swallowing inappropriate things.

I realized the pattern sort of accidentally. Last year as DD faced her fears and dealt with a surge in anxiety that lasted for weeks, I considered seeking help from a professional. I got as far as asking a friend of mine, who is a child psychiatrist, to recommend someone to us. She sent me an email with the names of a few of her peers. I never contacted them, but appreciated having the resources. Just the other day, I went through the same thought process, and wondered if I still had the email from my friend. I did. While rereading it, I noticed the date on it, and I realized that the seeming random anxiety surge may not really be so random. It brought relief, in a way. If she got through it last year, which, of course she did, then chances are she will get through it this time, too. And perhaps reminding her of last year's situation will help to ease her mind a bit, as well. Maybe it will help her to see the source of her anxiety more clearly. At least for me, defining the nature of the beast makes it much easier to battle.

That being said, it's still really tough to know what to do while in the thick of it. DD becomes so upset at times that she cries and cries, and I just want to take her in my arms and never let go. Then there are times when she has talked about the current focal point to the point of utter madness, and I become so frustrated that I get angry. I'm not proud of that, but how many times in a day can one person listen to "I think I need to go again" ? It was hell leaving her at school this morning, crying. I knew that she needed to face today, as she had spent the entire weekend agonizing about it, and if we avoided it, it would just turn into tomorrow, or the next day, or the next..... Sometimes the only way is through. But it's no fun knowing that and trying to tell someone you love, someone who breaks your heart into bits with every tear, that that's the case. It sucks!

In any event, perhaps as this "episode" passes, we can learn more about how she works, how anxiety works, and how we can help to make the next "episode" less intense. And perhaps it is time to allow someone else to advise us on the process. I'm sad for her. And I'm so, so proud of her! I know, and I keep reminding hubby too, that she is dealing with all of this because she is growing. She is facing things she has been afraid to face in the past. And she is afraid now! But she is facing it. And for that I swell with pride.

Eczema and Essential Oils - Trial Phase

Today is am trying essential oils on my skin, and DS's skin, for the first time. I read on this website that camomile essential oil could be used on kids, so I mixed two drops of Camomile German EO into about two tablespoons of Sweet Almond carrier oil. I applied it a few minutes ago. It's hard to judge what works with eczema because there are so many variables, but I will report how our skin is doing over the next few days. The website lists many EOs that can be used for eczema care, so if you're limited with what oils you have or have access to, there will likely be something for you on this list.

July 14th, 2010: I've got to remember to update these posts once in a while. =) It has been almost 4 months since I started using the oils on my skin, and I have not used my steroid cream a single time since then. (yeah!!) I use sweet almond oil in place of lotion, and sweet almond with Bergamot on my eczema patches. As time has gone along, I have needed the Bergamot blend less and less often. My skin is doing incredibly well. It is gradually improving on a consistent basis. I have made a couple of other changes as well, which I'm sure are contributing factors. I take fish oil supplements two times every day, and I take a probiotic once a day. I just switched (maybe three days ago) to a high-potency probiotic that is supposed to help keep the body's yeast in balance (another issue I was dealing with...see my post on Natural Yeast Infection Remedies.) Anyhow, things are moving in a very good direction for me. I hope it can work for you, too!

Montessori - On Our Way

We have made the decision to switch DD from her current school to our local Montessori. She has been positive about this switch. Well, that was until I told her that we'd be going next week to have her visit in the classroom. Then she became very emotional and stated that she hates school. She also told me that I shouldn't have told her. I know her pretty well and I feel that telling her a week ahead of time would give her time to get her head around the situation and be prepared. But shoot. Anyhow....

I accepted an invitation for DD to spend two hours in the classroom next Wednesday. Along with my email acceptance, I informed the head of school that DD transitions slowly, and is likely to be uncomfortable with my leaving her there. I told her that I would, in that situation, either stay with her or remove her, but that I didn't want to leave her there in great distress. I suggested that perhaps allowing DD to meet the teacher ahead of time would help ease some of her anxiety around the visit. To their great credit, they've invited us to come after school the day before to meet the teacher and see the classroom. Great. I informed DD of this yesterday (with some trepidation) and she seemed to take it in her stride. She actually asked me a little bit about the teacher. Cool.... I am taking DD out of school for the day on Weds. Though maybe it would be better to have her return to her school for the afternoon, I sort of think that have her focus on one school at a time makes more sense. (Tuesday will be an exception to this, but it's just a brief visit...)

Anyhow, I'm constantly questioning our decision these days, and am so hopeful we've made the right one. My personal challenge at the moment is to keep myself focused with her at her current school. In my mind, we've already made the switch! But she's still got three months at her current school-a lifetime to a 5-year-old. A meeting this morning with her current teacher which focused on goals for the remainder of the year has grounded me some. But I am anxious to move on. Time to settle down and be with her where she is.

Nutrition Response Testing

I have made an appointment for today for Nutrition Response Testing, for both me and my son.

This is in response to DS's skin breaking out in dry, rashy areas on his torso. Eczema. Shoot. I have seen very small patches on his skin from time to time, all of which have been easy to resolve without using steroid creams. (I used a very tiny amount two times on one patch that looked very uncomfortable) In any event, I would really like to find a way to get rid of his rashes, and if I can resolve my own, well, that would be miraculous and amazing. I have been to doctors and dermatologists uncountable, so I am going the natural route this time. It just goes along with everything else I've been experimenting with lately. I'm nervous....I'm always nervous before an appointment, especially for something I'm not yet familiar with. But here is what I know of it so far....this is a link to the Natural Health Improvement Center I found locally. Just scroll down on the page to read about NRT.

Nutrition Response Testing

A bunch of hooey? Maybe. But I think of it this way. At the least, it is another attempt at managing (and resolving?) my skin issues that I can cross off my list, and it gives me something to try to help eliminate DS's skin issues. At best, it works, and his skin rashes go away! It's non-invasive, so all we really lose by trying this is a little money and a little time. So....fingers crossed.....

To be updated!

Eczema

I have eczema. (atopic dermatitis) I have had it all of my life, even as an infant. Over the course of 41 (yes, shocked folks FORTY-ONE years, I have learned to live with it. I've learned what irritates, and what doesn't. I have tried elimination diets (as a kid) and been to dermatologists endless times. I have used many different (gasp) steroid creams, and non-steroid lotions, creams, etc. I have tried oatmeal baths. And so forth and so forth.

Now I have a child with eczema. Damn.

I would like to treat his skin in an unAmerican way - treat the issue, not just the results. (grin) So....that being said...

I am going to put us (at least DS and myself) on a food regime with much reduced dairy and gluten. Much to my poor hubby's chagrin! I asked for advice on the email loop of the Holistic Moms Network, and got several kind responses. Most agreed that dairy should be minimal (I've always thought so, but didn't follow it much) and some suggested eliminating gluten. Others suggested some natural creams, which I may try out. But for now I will continue to use Sweet Almond oil on his skin, and sometimes Aquaphor. (Which I'm trying to phase out) I will track our progress here.

Day 1: Accidentally gave DS some yogurt and a small amount of butter this a.m. It will take time to become accustomed to avoiding everything! I've done better this afternoon. We ate tuna, mixed nuts, stuff like that. I have to figure out what to make for dinner...

Skin: DS has uninflamed dry, bumpy skin on his torso on the sides of his body. He has a more inflamed, but not open skin, rashy area on his hand. Today it is not red, but is rashy looking and feeling. It's a small area, about the size of a dime.

Skin: My skin is as it has been for some time. I have some mildly rashy areas on my fingers on both hands. My elbows and knees have been a bit rashy lately as well. On the tops of both feet I have rashy patches that have been there for quite a while. I have a basically healed area on my neck. I use a steroid cream every night before bed. A very little bit on each area. I use Aquaphor and sweet almond oil also, and Burt's Bees on my hands.

Misc: I did a little reading about gluten-free eating and about a book that recommends eliminating grains. Yikes! I feel that there is an argument out there to eliminate any food you can think of. What's a person to do??

Day 2: Doing well with our "diet" today. I went to the grocery store to load up on some gluten-free items. I was starving, having not eaten much for breakfast. I bought some gluten-free peanut butter bars that are high in protein. It wasn't until I got them home and opened one that I thought to look at the label. Shoot. Dairy! Argh... this isn't easy! Ugh, and I just realized that my coffee had half n' half in it this morning. I didn't even give it a thought til hubby pointed it out later on. Shoot! But I did pick up a book of gluten-free AND dairy-free recipes from the library today.

DS Skin: He is not too inflamed today, though he commented on his "bruise" which is the patch on his hand - the one that does get red sometimes. I discovered another patch under one knee....rats. Ugh! This evening my hubby put both kids in the tub. I was told later that they were taking a castile soap bar (eucalyptus) and rubbing it on their bodies and faces. My son got soap in his eyes, and for obvious reasons, freaked. I joined the situation at this point, and took him out of the tub. I put sweet almond oil everywhere except on his face. (As usual, though I do sometimes put some on his cheeks) Fast forward to dinner time, and his face, cheeks, chin and upper lip, are bright red and warm and dry to the touch. What the??? Hubby filled me in on the soap on the face deal (I knew about they eyes, of course) and the obvious conclusion is that his skin is reacting to the soap. Or is it? I also had put lavender oil in the water for DD, who is experiencing growing pains. He has been in the tub with lavender before, so I don't think that's it. I know that eucalyptus essential oil is not good for use on kids, but I didn't worry that much about the bar.... but the kids haven't rubbed it all over their skin before, either. I would rub a small amount on a cloth to clean them with, if I used any. I keep the bar for myself, and have a castile bar with no scent that I bought for the kids specifically. Alas....

Day 3: So far so good with diet, but I realized the nutrition drink I've been giving my kids has dairy in it. I didn't give it to DS today. I did well with meals today until dinner when I had a beer. Duh. This is hard. I was told today that there is a gluten-free STORE not too far from here. Wow.

DS Skin: His cheeks are back to normal (phew.) I washed his face last night with water only, then put sweet almond oil on it. The pink started fading right away. Contact reaction. His rashy skin looks pretty mild today with the exception of his hand patch, which is still red after being in the bath last night. Less so, but still red. I put a little steroid cream on it last night... Sweet almond oil again and again and again. His skin has looked pretty uninflamed today. The hand patch looks less irritated as the day progressed.

My Skin: The usual. A little itchy today. Used steroid last night as usual. Using sweet almond oil after my showers. Using very little Aquaphor these days.

DAY 4: Chicken for breakfast - lol.

DS Skin: The skin on DSs torso looks slightly red today. Sighs. Could this possibly be from me drinking a beer last night? Seems doubtful. But what else? Maybe it's time for muscle testing?? Maybe I should persevere and see what happens. I don't know.

DAY 5: Pretty good with the diet. I scheduled NRT - Nutrition Response Testing - for both of us for Monday.

DS Skin: Looked worse today.

My Skin: Felt like crap today. Mine felt worse after being around MIL's cat, which has been the case in the past.

DAY 6: Persevering with the diet. Hungry all the damn time! Frustrating. Making more meat than usual.

DS: Looking less irritated today.

My Skin: Feeling pretty good.

DAY 7/8: Diligently following diet until late this morning. DS really wanted some cheese. I gave in, as I, too, have been HUNGRY! He doesn't usually go for these mozzarella cheese sticks, but he devoured two of them! I have otherwise kept us on the diet. It will be interesting to see if his skin reacts. DS got Nutrition Response Testing today (see post on NRT and NRT - The Appointment.)

DS: Definitely looking better today!

My Skin: Also looking better today. Weird. I also had NRT today. No results or recommendations yet.

*Update: After my second NRT appt at which I had counted on getting dietary recommendations and for the most part didn't, I got frustrated, and eased back on our gluten/dairy diet. Not entirely, but a little. As a result, perhaps, my son's skin has gotten worse. So I am going to redouble my efforts. I'm not going to refuse any gluten or dairy ever, but I am going to try to make my home as close to free of those things as I can.

Essential Oils - Lavender For Diaper Rash - Trial

My son has diaper rash. It is an unusual event in this house, but it does happen from time to time. In the past, I have used Desitin, with great success. In my attempt to remove chemicals from our personal and medical care products, I am attempting to use other diaper rash treatments this time. For a couple of days I have been putting Burt's Bees Diaper Ointment on the area. There wasn't much change until this afternoon - the rash appears to be spreading, it is much redder, and he is more uncomfortable. Yuk. Poor goober! So this time I turned to essential oils. It's an opportunity to try another one out. If it doesn't work, and pretty quickly, I'll once again turn to Desitin, but I'm giving it a shot. I have read and been told by dear Suzanne (see Hats Off to Suzanne!) that Lavender essential oil can be used for diaper rash, so that is what I am trying. I wasn't sure if it should got on "neat" or diluted, so I mixed a few drops with Sweet Almond oil, and put it on all over the behind area (note: EOs shouldn't be put on the genital areas, according to one book I have.) It didn't hurt or sting, so that's good. I'll report back at the next diaper change, and throughout today and tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

UPDATE: Ok. So last evening I changed DS's diaper, and his skin was still very irritated and red looking. Hubby put him in the bath, allowed him to run around without a diaper for a while, reapplied the oil blend, and put him in a disposable diaper. This morning he needed a #2 diaper change first thing. (That poor butt!!) Despite the "soil" his skin looked almost perfect!! He had two very small red areas - a great improvement from last night. Whether it's due to the oil blend, the bath, the air-dry time, or a combination, I don't know, but I was so happy to see his diaper area looking happier again. =) Once again, I gave him some air-dry time, and I've kept him in cloth diapers except overnight or when we're going to be out for a while. Today I increased the amount of lavender in the oil blend as per some information I got from Suzanne (see Hats Off To Suzanne!) I put it on after the first diaper change but haven't since. A friend forwarded an article focusing on a link between tea tree and lavender oil and hormonal disruption in boys, and though I'm not really concerned about it, I only intend to use the blend when really necessary. I think it's always better to let the body heal itself when possible anyhow. But .... it's possible the blend really helped, so I intend to use it again should the need arise.

Self-Conscious She, Self-Conscious Me

My daughter is 5 years old, and intensely self-conscious. Sometimes. And very, very timid. Sometimes. And it's a little unpredictable. So starting school last year was challenging for us all. Now she's midway through Kindergarten. And in my eyes, knowing her as I do, she is doing incredibly well! She has no problem when I leave her at school in the morning. (anymore) She reports having a good day, every day. By report she is doing well at school. She comes home enthusiastic about what she's done at school, and loves to write and draw. She's made loads of friends, and the kids really seem to love her. Before school started, she would barely engage with other kids at all. All great stuff.

But, she refuses to eat at school. She won't use the bathroom at school, ever, unless I am there. She won't throw anything away at school. Not ever.

My interpretation? My daughter is making the best of the situation, but is taking control wherever she feels she can. Because otherwise she feels completely out of control of the situation.

So, after two months of the school year had passed and my daughter had not eaten anything for snack or lunch, I decided it was time to act. The school felt the same. So I started to put things in place to "encourage" her to eat. Or really, to discourage her from NOT eating. I told her she could have no sweets at home on the days she didn't eat. I took away after school outings. And so forth. And the school, from what I've been told, informed her that she had to have at least three bites of food at each meal. They threatened to take recess away from her, her favorite part of the school day. All of this, or some of this, worked. She started eating at school. Granted she turned "at least three bites" into "I only have to eat three bites," but she ate. Then she got incredibly picky about what her lunch could be. We ended up giving her 6 bites of pizza every day. Three bites for snack, three bites for lunch. For weeks. Then suddenly, two weeks ago, she stopped eating. Every day, when I picked her up, she would inform me that she hadn't eaten that day. She was upfront about it, but had no explanation. The only thing she could come up with was that there was a teacher watching over lunch who did not usually do so. This threw her off. But how does that explain a run of not eating, which, to this point, has been two and a half weeks?

Sighs. So I decided to take a different approach this time. Instead of approach it as a discipline problem, which I never thought it was to begin with, I decided it was time to try to find out what makes her so anxious that she needs to take control in these ways. I didn't feel like giving her consequences for something that she herself doesn't understand. Let me add that the school, of course, has noticed, and has appealed to me to act in some way. Or decide what should be done about it. I have mentioned, twice, that I want to figure out what the problem is, instead of making the resulting eating issues the problem. Does that make sense? One teacher stated that perhaps part of it was anxiety and part was behavioral. Regardless....

So today, with some pressure from school, I discussed the situation with DD in the car on the way home. At first, she told me that she couldn't talk with me. Then she said that she doesn't like people watching her, and wants to eat by herself. I told her that this was not really possible at school, as it was expected that the group eat together. I asked her if she would eat if she could sit near the group but on her own (she had been doing this at the beginning of the year. Not eating, but sitting separately) and she said yes. Hm. So I emailed her teacher, and I await a reply.

There are a couple of other situations at school where the school feels DD should be made to conform to the school-day routine and DD feels differently. One is greeting other students in front of the entire school each morning. She puts her head down and refuses. Another is speaking up in class. Again, unless she is feeling confident at that moment, she won't.

I am curious. What would you do? Would you insist that she get with the program and do what the school expects her to do without question? Would you accept your child's discomfort and try to find a way for her to fit in while keeping her desires/comfort level in mind? Would you seek an environment that suited your child's temperament better? (i.e. Montessori, where no child is forced to speak in front of the class unless he/she chooses to)Thanks for your thoughts.

Montessori School

Since DD was born, I have been interested in Montessori education. When a Montessori school opened just a few miles from us, I went to an open house. This was a couple of years ago. I remember at the time being unimpressed by the large class size, and being informed that conflict resolution by the children is encouraged. Not that I'm against that, but when you're talking about little kids, or big kids for that matter, I think some guidance is needed. Anyhow, I left the place and turned my attention elsewhere.

Recently, I have been become interested, once again, in seeing what is out there for DD education-wise. My renewed interest comes after seeing that DD's anxieties, which are pretty overpowering sometimes, continue to surface fairly frequently despite her having been at her current school for pre-k and now Kindergarten. Not that I expect them to go away - I don't. She faces the world the way I do, with trepidation and hesitation. But I feel that at least looking into other environments is warranted. I add that she is thriving where she is - I truly believe that - despite the fact that she often refuses to eat at school, she flat out refuses to use the bathroom there if I'm not there, and she won't throw things in the garbage. That is clearly DD's way of taking control the only way she feels she can. And that's not good enough. If she can thrive in an environment in which she continues to feel out of control in, I'd love to see what she would do in an environment in which she feels more relaxed and in charge. So.

I have read a little bit about Montessori education. I was overwhelmed with the blurb I read about academics, and how they are force-fed from the age of three. I maybe shouldn't put it that way, but that is the impression I was left with after reading a blurb online. And I have been talking to people. Then last week I went to a preschool open house, and cornered the head of school of our local Montessori school. She left me with the impression that much of the day-to-day learning is child-led. A child is allowed to pick his/her task, work on it alone or with other students, and complete it at his/her pace. I asked her how they would handle a situation where a student refused to eat, or didn't speak up in class. (DD's current school has made a big issue over the fact that DD is too shy to greet the other students at the morning meeting) The answers she gave were, in turn, that the students prepare the morning snack, and can eat, or play, whatever they choose. They do eat lunch together. She said that the students are free to raise their hands and speak up in class if they choose, and not if they don't. The students are also free to observe rather than participate in an activity if that's what they choose. Hmmmm. Although I will miss an open house at the school this weekend, I was encouraged to call to come for a tour, and told that I can come observe the classroom. Let me add that Montessori is multi-age, and if DD were to go there, she would be grouped with 1st, 2nd and 3rd graders. (Her current school is multi-aged as well, and I can't say enough about the benefits of that.)

Ok...so. Here are the pros and cons as I see them so far:

Montessori:

Pros:

Multi-age
student-led learning
each student learns at his/her level
each student works at his/her pace
academics introduced early, but at child's pace
monthly themes
parents invited to observe classroom throughout the year
4 miles from home - 7 minutes drive
I went to Montessori school from 2 1/2-5, and have mostly good memories of it.

Cons:

Tiny play yard (outdoor play very important to DD)
large class size (21 in one class this year)
DD has to make new friends (she is very timid)
very expensive
adjust to new teachers

Stay at current school:

Pros:

familiar with school, teachers and students
familiar with routine
huge playground area
smaller class sizes (13 this year)
she has made tremendous progress with bonding with other kids, working with other authority figures, gaining confidence

Cons:

expensive
10 mile, 17 minute drive each way - DD would have to take the bus at least one way
pressure to perform in areas where she is intensely uncomfortable. Some pressure is necessary, perhaps, but give me a break about talking in front of the entire school every morning! I'd run away!

Anyhow, I'll add to the list as I think of things, but I would LOVE to hear from anyone with any information or experience with Montessori education!!