School "Special Needs" Testing (child anxiety)

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School Evaluation (child anxiety)

I have just returned from my daughter's mid-year school evaluation. The news is this. She is not following through on her work. There are days she does no work at all. She is frequently sitting outside of the classroom and requiring a teacher to lead her into the room. She is a rag doll. Dammit.

I informed them that we have reached out to a local provider, but will be unable to see this person until the end of December. The head of school informed me that we can request services through the school, and that she will initial this process. We need help. She needs help.

I am so discouraged and confused. Her behaviors at home have come almost back to baseline, as she has gotten over a recent cold. She is sleeping well, eating well, and her OCD behaviors are declining. But things are not improving at school. I don't know what to do.

Do I consider homeschooling to keep her on track academically? She will do work with me. Her focus is not always the best, but she is willing enough. At the moment she is basically wiling away the time at school, then doing some reading, and occasionally other work, at home. I said to my husband a few minutes ago that that is an expensive play date! But homeschooling would keep her from being around kids all the time, and from the classes she claims to like, such as music. But having her repeat grades is not going to help this situation at all.

I hope we kind find someone great who can help guide us. So sad.

Yay Montessori =) (child anxiety)

Today my daughter finished her third week at her new school, our local Montessori school.

Me: So, (daughter), now that you've been at your new school for three weeks, which school would you say you like better? The new one or the old one?"

DD: The new one is MUCH better.

Me: =) =) =)

When I asked her if she was happy it was the weekend, she replied, "Yeah. Sort of. I'll miss hanging out with my friends."

So happy!

Calmer Seas (child anxiety)

Time to update on DD.

Things are settling down nicely. Phew! DD's biggest complaint after school yesterday was that someone had moved her plant. =) I got a nice email from her teacher yesterday, too, that said that during a movement class, DD had gotten up in front of the class with another student and done a dance! Ok, she has officially surpassed me. I don't do that!! Very proud I am, yes indeedy.

That doesn't mean that she doesn't still get anxious in the mornings. She does. Dry heaves are not uncommon. Or the complaint of a belly ache. But she likes school.

We went to a school picnic two days ago. Several kids came up to her asking if she wanted to play with them, or sit on their picnic blanket with them, etc. It was very cool. She shied away from them for the most part, but I think that was more a result of me and her father and other parents being there. Something tells me she would have been off with them in a flash had it been school recess or something. And occasionally during the night she would forget herself and start to run off. Very good stuff.

I am working with her on reading every night now, as she won't read to the teachers at school. But I am not giving her a hard time about it. As I've been telling hubby in the evenings, she's made such incredible strides, and completely because she chose to, that I do not feel the need to pressure her about the reading and lessons at this point. I'll just work with her at home to be sure she's keeping up. Her reading is very slow and reluctant. We worked on it a bunch this summer, but a couple weeks before starting the new school, we stopped. It really shows that she hasn't been working on it for a while. Her confidence has decreased, and her reading is elementary at best. But she'll get there. When she decides to!

And a quick note on the little girl in DD's class. DD told me a few days ago that she thought this girl wanted to be friends with everyone in the class but her. That seems to have completely changed. For one, she approached DD a lot during the picnic, and was very friendly with her. Then I get the email from the teacher saying they performed a dance together for the class. And DD informed me yesterday that this same little girl has invited DD to come to her house on Halloween. Awright! =)

Words from a proud Mama!

Day 7 of School (child anxiety)

Ah. That's better!

First of all, I got up with the alarm this morning, and both kids stayed asleep. Nice. I had some coffee, I checked my email, and just enjoyed a few minutes to myself.

Hubby brought DD down. She curled up on the couch with her cats as usual, and watched tv. So far, same ole, except that DS was still in bed. Very unusual, as he's usually the first of us to wake up. I told DD that I would provide her with something to eat if and when she told me she wanted something. I accept that the idea taht food makes her ill in the morning, especially foods with strong smells, so I'm not cooking these days.

DS finally wakes up, and joins DD. I get a box of Cheerios, and he and I happily munch on them. With about 20 minutes to go, I announce that I am going to get the kids dressed. I do so. No problems....

As usual, when the time draws near to leave, I get up and start racing around. This is just what I do. I put things in the car, and do this I do that.... DD gets up and starts to go through her routine, too. As usual, she has her "as we're going out the door" stuff she "suddenly" remembers she needs, but even this is not too frenzied today. She gets her cloth (a wash cloth. She started this at her old school. She takes a cloth with her every day. It's almost like her security blanket. In prek and K, she would chew on it, yuck. Now she just has it, I think.) She will usually jump into the bathroom at the very last second. Honestly, I can't remember if she did so today. This particular part of the routine has relaxed some, now that she is comfortable using the bathroom at school. Once in the car, DD complained of having a belly ache. I told her I was sorry, and as always, was genuinely sympathetic. After all, the poor thing got this condition from me! She said something about being anxious, and I found myself suggesting she try to focus on the moment. At this moment, I explained, she is with me and her brother, in the car, and we're fine. I could really use this advice myself! I am anxious about going away this weekend, just the kids and me. Be in the moment, Mama! =)

Drop-off was fine. She timidly got out of the car, took her stuff from me, and walked with me as far as the path, where the assistant teacher was waiting with a few other kids. She slowly walked into the building, with a wave to me and DS.

I left thinking that she is adjusting. No barf today, only a sort of resignation to the situation. Of course I wish she looked forward to going. She doesn't. But she is becoming accepting of it, and she seems to be joining in while there. Her teacher did inform me that DD won't talk to her during lessons, but that she will talk with her about other subjects. The teacher feels she will "come around," and I hope she does. I am going to focus on the amazing things she has done in the 6 days of school she's had so far, and process other areas of growth later! I did ask the teacher to let me know if there are areas I can help out with at home.

Anyhow, she's looking forward to a weekend away. A nice reward for all her hard work. =)

Week 2 Approaches (child anxiety)

By all accounts, my daughter had a good first week of school. Those of you who have followed this line of thought all along know that DD has some pretty intense anxiety issues, and that transitions can be very, very hard for her. And she nailed the first week of school. And at a new school where she knew no one. Atta girl! But the anxiety still exists. Of course it does.

Last night, Saturday night, she is having trouble falling asleep. She had slept quite late, so perhaps she just wasn't tired yet. But even this change in routine has got her (and ME) on edge. I am not allowed to leave the room until she falls asleep (kind of a bone-head thing I allowed to happen...I've always been there until the kids have fallen asleep) It is becoming obvious she is not going to settle down to sleep, and hubby suggests we allow her to come downstairs with us. Not ideal. Definitely not. I am quite protective of my evening time, as it is part of a very little bit of time I get to have sans kids during the day. I finally agree. She comes downstairs, sits in a chair, and waits. After a fairly short time of this (what were we going to do? We couldn't really watch the movie we've been watching - too violent. I didn't want to break out any food and set that precedence.) I gave up and decided to go to bed. We went up, I read, and we both went to sleep. Fast forward to tonight. Before even getting into bed, DD is anxiously informing me, again and again and again, that if she can't sleep, she is going to come downstairs with me. Ugh, I think. What I say is something along the lines of it being really important that she try to get to sleep as she has to get up early, blah de blah, parent-talk parent-talk. I read to the kids, DS falls asleep easily as usual, and DD pushes herself right up against me and hooks her arm through mine. I am sure she is trying to set herself up so that if I move, she'll be aware of it. I am feeling choked by her anxiety, again. I want to be understanding, and when given a little space I almost always am, but sometimes I get a little annoyed. I have gotten somewhat better at expressing something other than what I am feeling. I want her to feel loved and understood. It cannot be easy or fun to go through what she goes through. After a fairly short amount of time, she fell asleep. Hubby was about to come through the door with a creaky laundry basket, and I chased him out with a stern, "Do not wake her up!" I explained, of course, and he put the basket in another room.

Her anxiety manifests in other ways too, ways that are so a part of our lives that I forget to mention them. She refuses to go anywhere without me. Refuses. It doesn't matter where. Today we ran errands. If I went into a store, she went too. If I stayed in the car, she stayed in the car, too. She wanted to go swimming today. Hours went by and I lost interest in the trip. Hubby offered to take her, she refused. "NOT without Mama!!" She goes through short phases where she will do something with him, but mostly not. And it's been a long time since she has.

So here I am, downstairs, ready for some me time, but I have to reprocess everything first. It's what I do, and part of what I have to do to manage my own anxiety. Maybe now I can relax, and get ready to face week 2. Now that the acuteness of the first couple of days has passed, we will find out how her general anxiety plays out in this new environment. Fingers crossed and praying that Montessori is everything I have been hoping for...

Day 3 of School

6:30 a.m., the blasting alarm gets hubby flying. Literally. Across the room to turn the obnoxious thing off. A minute or two later, darling boy and I get up. About 7am, we collect little girl from bed. Oh, she looks tired. Poor thing. To the couch they go. And on goes the tv.

I gently move around, getting things done. I make myself some toast, and offer to make something for DD, "when you're ready." The kids are watching a Leap Frog "educational" dvd about alphabet sounds. DD periodically tells me I can make her something to eat "after the B." Then, "after the M" then "after the W" and so forth. In the meantime, I bring my toast to the couch, and DS asks for some. DD immediately turns green and starts coughing. She just can't handle the concept of food. Still way to anxious. And yet she wants to eat before school. Hm. She informs me that she has a sore throat, and makes a feeble argument for staying home today.

As the time approaches 8 a.m., I start to get the kids dressed. DD and I had previously discussed her not wearing a pull-up to school any longer, but maybe using a pad of some sort, if needed. (Ya do what you have to do, we're talking the difference between anxiety and panic attack here) I informed DD that I have not had time to make any pads yet, but I had a paper substitute she could. Unexpectedly, this resulted in her bursting in to tears, saying she could NOT use a paper one, and needed a pull-up. I informed her that she would not be using a pull-up. At this point I decided to tell her that her teacher had suggested to me that she not wear them any more, and I told her the teacher's reasons behind that. She absorbed this information for a while.

After getting DD dressed, she informed me that she wasn't in the mood for a dress (unusual) because she didn't like the idea of having to mess with it to get to her pants. Ok. (Mama is started to get agitated at this point. I'm not a terribly patient person, and this is starting to get on my nerves...) I race around, watching the clock, and find her another shirt in the dryer. She agrees to wear it, and we change her shirt.

I am then grabbing shoes and socks and stuffing them on the kids. It is officially time to go. Then, as we're walking out the door, DD announces she wants to use the bathroom. I am officially irritable and impatient at this point, and I tell her to "Go!" Of course I then feel bad for barking at her, and once she is clipped in the car and ready to go, I apologize to her and explain that part of my anxiety manifests in extreme anxiety if I think I/we might be late. This applied to most any situation. I hate to be late. (As a result I am often early, and end up sitting around waiting)

We get to school, and I explain to DS how this works. I don't want him freaking because he can't get out of the car. No problems there. On the way, DD had gone over and over and over with me what I am to say to the teacher who meets us at the car. That she had a sore throat this morning, and if she has to go to the bathroom and they are outside for recess she will tell this particular student, and so on and so on. Okokok. We greet the teacher, I give her the messages, and my daughter is on her way in, again.

Fast forward to 2:50pm, and DS and I are once again parked at the curbside, next to DD's school. She comes out, smiles when she sees us (I love that) and walks toward the car. This little girl looks beat. She is walking slowly, her face looks almost sleepy. For one thing, she hardly ate a thing from her lunch box. I'm not sure why, but she told me that she wasn't in the mood for her sandwich, didn't like the cheese, etc and so forth. I attempt to feed her, but the fact is, she is not hungry. She is calm for the rest of the day, and goes to bed quickly and without argument. She was tired. I told her, twice, how very proud I am of how she has faced her first week of school. And I really, really am.

Day 2 of School - End Result

* She had a good day
* She did some bonding with another girl
* She said Spanish class was boring =)
* She ate most of her lunch and all of her snack =)=)=)
* She used the bathroom at school =)=)=)
* She said there are a lot of boys in her class
* She said she wished tomorrow wasn't a day off, she wants to go to school. SHE WANTS TO GO TO SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I almost wish there was school tomorrow so she didn't have the transition back to being home for the day, then back for a day, then off for the weekend, then a full week of school....

I am happy for her. And for all of us. =)

Day 2 of School - The Anxiety Wave Spreads Out

My dear daughter had a good day yesterday, but I knew that didn't mean we were out of the woods as far as her anxiety (and mine!) was concerned. Mama knows.

So this morning, the alarm clock goes off, and DD reached for me immediately. I collect her and we head downstairs. Alarms were obviously going off in her head as well. I brought her to the couch, and started through the morning routine of going through everything in the house that we could make for breakfast. DD finally settles on seasoned black beans. I make them, and put them on the table. I call both kids (DS got up very shortly after DD) to the table, and looked at DD. I've seen this look before. There was no way she could come to the table. The very idea of food was making her physically sick. (I have been through this sensation many times in the past, part of my anxiety) I told her to stay put. She says she needs to eat something mild, and chooses soup. We don't have any that appeals to her, so hubby offers to head to a nearby convenience store. He comes back and prepares chicken noodle soup for her. I am now helping her to get dressed, and starting to get in to race-against-the-clock mode. DD gets up and starts to head for the bathroom. She asks me what would happen if she threw up. Then she did so. Despite my predictions and directions to stop moving and take deep breaths. Ugh. She barfs on the floor. Then moves to another part of the room, and barfs again. UGH. She then anxiously starts saying that kids who throw up need to stay home from school, right? I told her that we needed to try school today, and if she was sick, I would come get her. Hubby comes along to deal with the floor as I scoot DD out the door. By the way, DS has managed today much better than yesterday. I explained to him at some point during the morning that I would once again be taking DD to school, and asked him what games he would be playing with Papa while I was gone. He was relaxed and understanding of the situation this time. He commented that I "always take DD to school." I explained to him that after today, he would be coming with me to take her to school. He is also starting school next week, and I"m sure all of this is a bit confusing to him! But he's dealing a-ok today.

Anyhow, she self-talks all the way to school, and asks me (a bit ritualistically) to tell the teachers that she threw up, and to call me if she throws up again. Okokok I say. I drop her off, inform the teacher who was waiting at the curb, and in she went. She looked back at me, I blew her some kisses, and she waved. Poor sweet little thing! Can't wait for 2:50pm.

Now I"m off to take DS to his school, where he has a play date today.

Onward and onward.....

First Day of School Part Three - YEAH!

I sat at the kitchen table after writing "Part 2" and tapped my foot on the floor. And waited very anxiously for it to be time to go get DD. Finally the time came, and after using the loo several times (one of my anxious tendencies) I collected DS from the couch and got into the car.

I arrived at the school and hoped I was stopped in the right spot: I was the only one there. But a short while later, cars started lining up behind me, which put my mind at ease. And then I waited. And waited. And waited!! It was only about 7 minutes, but my heart was beating out of my chest. The door opened....nope. It was someone else. It opened again....nope. Someone else. Argh! The door opened, and out walked a line of children, and.... there she was!. Before she got to me, the Head of School informed me that she had a great first day of school. She was telling me a list of things she participated in today, but none of it sunk in. I was focused on her! She got to me, I took her stuff, and put it, and her, in the car. Then DD's teacher was calling my name. (uh-oh?) She came up to me and told me the same thing, that DD had had a fantastic first day of school. She informed me that she wanted to tell DD that. For sure! So she opened DD's door, and said the same thing to her. Then off we went. I wanted to hear from HER!

And yes, she really DID have a good day! She told me about this and that. But the things that stood out, the main things that were plaguing my mind, were these: She told me that the second time she used the bathroom, there were no towels left to wipe her hands with, so she had to use her shirt. SHE USED THE BATHROOM AT SCHOOL!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahem. Scuse me. The other thing that had me doing cartwheels was that she ATE AT SCHOOL, TOO. SHE ATE AT SCHOOL!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course the way I responded was to 1) ask her if she was wet all day and 2) to  listen while she told me that they turn the lights off and light a candle at lunch time, and in neither case did I get spazzy and let her know how THRILLED I was that she chose to move on in both of these situations, both of which cause her incredibly intense anxiety at her former school. AND ON THE FIRST DAY! GO GIRL GO!

So after chatting about school for a while, I asked her what her favorite part of the school day was. She said she didn't have a favorite part, IT WAS ALL FUN.

I asked her if she's nervous about going to school tomorrow. She said, "a little bit."

Proud doesn't begin to describe how I feel. I am in awe of her ability to move herself through and past her anxieties. I know, I know. It's not the end of the story yet. We have a lot more to face, with a new place, new people, and a new set of expectations, but I have been stressing today for MONTHS, and I am so happy that it went so well! =)=)=)

First Day of School Part Two

Before driving away from my highly nervous daughter this morning, I informed her teacher that I would call in an hour or two to check in, to which she replied, "sure." I didn't want to call too soon and give the impression that I was going to be a pain. I didn't want to wait too long and give the impression that I didn't really care. I called at 11:20 a.m., after DD had been at her new school for two hours.

The phone was answered by the mother of one of DD's classmates, who works at the school a couple of times a week. This is someone I have met, and the mother of the girl I tried four times to get together with this summer, without success. Anyhow, we are familiar with each other, and I identified myself. I told her I was just calling to check in. She informed me that the teacher had been to the office to inform her that I would be calling, and to tell me that DD is "doing fantastic. No tears."

Well. That was certainly nice to hear. Now I get it that they don't know her, and maybe she is just "dealing." She has never been one to carry on and on. But I am glad to know that she is facing it with swords blazing. I can't wait to see her later!

25 minutes til I leave to pick her up. DS is napping! I forgot about that possibility! Time to myself that was completely unanticipated. Cool!

But I do look forward to getting my dear girl and bringing her home again. Starting a day with that much anxiety, and facing anything with swords blazing inevitably will result in one wrung-out, tired, and likely starving little girl. Tick-tock...

First Day of School

DD has been at school now for 30 minutes.

I woke DD up at about 6:50 a.m. She got up right away. I carried her downstairs and set her on the couch where her little brother was waiting for her.

I made breakfast, and gave it to them.

Both kids enthusiastically assisted with the transfer of the fish from their temporary home back to the plastic fishy bags that came from the pet store.

I get dressed. Hubby notes that we had better get DD dressed. It was fast approaching 8:00 a.m. Got DD dressed, and she's just starting to show signs of stress. I grab her shoes, and she tells me she wants to put them on herself. (Neat) I head of to put stuff in the car, and the full panic attack hits. And DS starts to get into the act, too. While hubby bolts the door to keep DS inside, DD bolts upstairs and locks herself in her room, screaming. I go right up behind her and unlock the door. A surprised girl then screams some more and crawls into her closet. I gently extract her, trying to gently reassure her. I start to walk with her, and she tells me that she will walk herself. (Again, impressive!) I ask her if she will walk herself. She gets down and does so. DD then needs to go to the bathroom. I wait for her to do so, with a real urgency to get out the door for DS's sake, as he has entered full panic mode at this point. DD finishes, and we head out the door. I clip her in and hand her the fish. We drive. DD self talks all the way. She processes the bathroom (she never used the bathroom on her own at her former school) She wants to identify a friend to inform if she needs to call me to help her in the bathroom. I remind her that if she has to go, she just goes. She processes this, saying that she'll go right when she gets there, right before every class, and before going out for recess. She adds here and there that she'll go if her pull-up leaks. Yep, she insisted on wearing a pull-up today. I reminded her that she shouldn't need to use it, it's just there for reassurance. And so forth. She actually said at one point that she doesn't know why she gets nervous. I took that opportunity to remind her that sometimes people with a lot of anxiety see low-stress situations as being very threatening until we become familiar with them. Etc. I was really impressed with her processing. She did have a panic attack, but then faced the situation maturely (she is only 6 years old!) and faced it like the brave warrior that she is.

We arrived. One of the teachers is waiting on the curb (forget her name - damn!) and greets us. Immediately DD's head teacher is there, and greets DD in her mellow style. She delves right in to talking about the fish (awesome) and asks DD about their names. DD answers her confidently. (Atta girl!!) Teacher says bye to me, and I drive away. I watch as DD walks with the teacher. DD carries her back pack (which I said was empty but isn't - it has her lunch. Shoot - hope she finds it!) Teacher carries her heavy bag of school supplies. She glanced at it with a slightly surprised look (hey, it's only stuff they said they require!) and carried that in for DD.

And so. I stopped at the Y as planned, and went home. And found that hubby and DS were gone. Hm. I predicted that DS was so upset that hubby didn't know what else to do with him but drive. I called him, and that's basically what transpired. They returned a minute later. Both were calm. I hugged DS and talked to him a little bit about the morning, and said that we were all nervous this morning, but we're all ok now. He said he was ok. I got hubby up to speed with the drop-off, and he left for work.

So now I watch the clock a little, write this, spend time with DS, and try to have awareness of my own tension. (I feel exhausted, slightly pre-headachey, and anxious to have the day be done) But I move forward. DS wants to play computer games, so that's what we'll do. Then DD's best friend's mom invited me and DS to go meet her and her kids for a picnic at a local park. So we'll plan to go do that. And we'll go from there.

Breathe in, breathe out. Love you, sweetheart. And thinking of you nonstop.

Chattering Teeth... (First Day of School Tomorrow.....)

The countdown to the first day at DD's new school has started, and I am anxious! I am trying to act cool as a cucumber, because I want to model a "no big deal" attitude for my poor anxious daughter. To be fair, she hasn't entered panic-mode at all so far. She has done a really (really, really!) good job of focusing on aspects of school without seeming to be freaked out too much. For example, she has bought these two fish, which will go into the classroom fish tank. She feeds and changes their water every day (just a little, fish fanatics, because there is no filter and it's kinda murky) and talks to them. But she has NOT named "her" fish, which is interesting. Each of my kids picked one fish, so DS got to name "his" fish, which he named after one of the cats! =) I asked DD if she would prefer to bring the fish on the second day of school because she will be bringing a lot of stuff with her tomorrow. But no, she prefers to bring them tomorrow, and says she's going to carry them, which gives me some hope...... but I am not fooled by it all. I have seen DD get all the way to school cool as the afore mentioned cuke, then freak with panic once we're in the room. So ....

I know that drop-off will be challenging, and I am prepared to give her a quick pep-talk on the way to school, then drive off when she is collected. (The teachers collect the students from their cars!) I have been preparing for this for months in my head! (Sick, I know) I am a bit worried that I"ll forget something. This child has to bring the usual school supply "list" of stuff. Plus shoes that are just for the classroom. Plus clean gym shoes. Plus a placemat/napkin/napkin ring. Plus her lunch and snack. Plus a change of clothing. Plus a plant. Plus the fish. Yikes! Today I started a list, and tonight I plan to get every possible thing packed and in the car. Last year I forgot her lunch on the FIRST day. Sh*t!!

After drop-off, I then plan to zip over to the Y, which is right in the same complex, and pick up a fitness schedule. Then it's home, to relieve hubby, who will be watching DS. I shall most likely be in a total state of high alert for the duration of the school day. But I will need to be mommy to DS, and that means finding something fun to do, as he will not have DD to entertain him for SIX and a half hours. Gads.

I am grateful that hubby will be here in the morning to help me get through it all.

Tonight I plan to take one of DD's old t-shirts and iron on a picture of her kitty cats. I promised her we'd do this, and it simply hasn't come to be. She did pick two photos today, one of each of them. So I will print those out and put them on a shirt for tomorrow. I am hopeful that people will ask her about them, and she can enter into one of her comfort zones. (What would we do without those cats?!?!)

I feel that DD has come far enough in her self-confidence that she will get through and past this without serious consequences. I hope I am right about that! She does like people a lot, and does like attention. I am hoping that is enough these days to pull her through. It's like a cat who is timidly hiding behind a bookcase, but just can't stand to ignore the string that is being jiggled around just a little bit away. DD's need to connect with people draws her out. She's just got to get over that hump. That anticipation which can cause her to see so many situations as being dangerous and terrifying.

C'mon Montessori, do your magic!!! And as for me, I will be relying on some time outdoors in nature to soothe my weary and nervous spirit. We won't go too far. But I think some time outdoors is key.

Forward, march.

Montessori - DD's Visit

Today is the day DD went to visit at our local Montessori school. I admit, I have been anxious about this visit. My daughter is very shy, very self-conscious, and very stubborn. This combination means that in any new situation it is pretty much guaranteed that 1) DD will hang on to my tightly, to the point where she will literally climb up me. She will hide behind me. 2) If anyone speaks to her, she will bow her head down and turn into me. 3) She will refuse to engage in any way. I have lived with her all of her life, and know this about her. So I informed anyone who would listen over there ahead of time that it was very likely I would not be able to leave during her visit. I wanted them to know so there would be no surprises on that front. DD did not disappoint. She clung to me, she hid behind me, and she didn't respond when the teacher greeted her. Nobody responded to this in any way. The teacher did inform me that it would be idea if I was able to sit aside and observe while DD joined the group, and I told her I would try. That never happened. The teacher realized right away that I was going to be part of this visit, and that where I went, DD went. No problem. The kids, for the most part, ignored us. We were not formally introduced to the group. The teacher, after a few minutes, brought DD an "art bin" as she knew that DD enjoys drawing. I took the initiative to run with this, and got her some paper and drew with her. A short while later the teacher rang a bell, indicating it was circle time. I informed DD that it would be nice if she joined the circle while I watched. No go. I sat in a chair close to the circle and DD sat on the floor, at first on my feet, then next to them. I observed that as circle time went on (teacher read a story and discussed rain forest animals with the children) DD became more relaxed, and leaned away from me a bit while watching the group. I also observed that one of the students did not come to circle time, but instead wandered around the room and did something on a piece of paper. When I later asked about this, the teacher said that this particular student sometimes comes to circle and sometimes not, but it is the Montessori policy to have the students go with their own flow, and so they allow him to do what feels right at the time. I later pointed this out to DD. After circle time the students went back to their work (each doing as he/she pleased as long as it was on his/her plan for the day) and we chose then to draw on the carpet where circle time had been. DD continued to stay close, but did engage in her drawing. After a while, three girls walked slowly in our direction, obviously looking to say hello. When they saw it was fine with us, then came up, and began to talk (with me.) They showed interest in DD's drawing, and praised her work. =) We chatted with them for a while (I chatted, DD listened and drew) and I asked them some questions about their classes. It was wonderful to have the kids show interest, and in such a gentle and calm way! They then returned to their tasks. The teacher approached me and informed me that she typically "interviews" perspective students, but that she really didn't want to pressure DD, and wanted her to have "fun" on her visit, so she thought she would chat with me instead. (Huge brownie points for teacher!!) She asked me a couple of questions about where DD is academically, and asked what she enjoys doing. DD interjected, in my hear, that she loves gym, something I didn't know! We chatted for a couple of minutes, and the teacher informed me and DD that as a kid in school, she herself was timid, and was very uncomfortable being called on, and that is part of the reason she sought out Montessori education as a teacher. (More brownie points!) She then folded herself back into the classroom, and DD and I continued drawing and observing. Shortly after this, DD got up, walked a little distance from me, and actively watched the other kids in the room. We said our goodbyes, and walked to the car. I asked her what she thought. On the ride home, she said, "I could like Montessori." Then a minute later, "I like it." After getting home, she said she would have liked to have recess there. Wow!

PHEW. I could feel her anxiety dropping the whole time we were there. The teacher invited us to come again to visit at the end of the summer. She said, as I knew, that the classroom would be in a different part of the building, so things would look a bit different. She said also that DD would have a cubby by then, as well as her books and such, so she could see that stuff before school started. Awesome.

I am hoping to maybe connect with the mom of one of the girls in the class who is also going into 1st grade next year, and who seemed so sweet. I think between having met the teacher, having seen what the day is like, and connecting with one of the kids, we could have a pretty smooth transition in the fall. Wouldn't that be something.

Montessori - On Our Way

We have made the decision to switch DD from her current school to our local Montessori. She has been positive about this switch. Well, that was until I told her that we'd be going next week to have her visit in the classroom. Then she became very emotional and stated that she hates school. She also told me that I shouldn't have told her. I know her pretty well and I feel that telling her a week ahead of time would give her time to get her head around the situation and be prepared. But shoot. Anyhow....

I accepted an invitation for DD to spend two hours in the classroom next Wednesday. Along with my email acceptance, I informed the head of school that DD transitions slowly, and is likely to be uncomfortable with my leaving her there. I told her that I would, in that situation, either stay with her or remove her, but that I didn't want to leave her there in great distress. I suggested that perhaps allowing DD to meet the teacher ahead of time would help ease some of her anxiety around the visit. To their great credit, they've invited us to come after school the day before to meet the teacher and see the classroom. Great. I informed DD of this yesterday (with some trepidation) and she seemed to take it in her stride. She actually asked me a little bit about the teacher. Cool.... I am taking DD out of school for the day on Weds. Though maybe it would be better to have her return to her school for the afternoon, I sort of think that have her focus on one school at a time makes more sense. (Tuesday will be an exception to this, but it's just a brief visit...)

Anyhow, I'm constantly questioning our decision these days, and am so hopeful we've made the right one. My personal challenge at the moment is to keep myself focused with her at her current school. In my mind, we've already made the switch! But she's still got three months at her current school-a lifetime to a 5-year-old. A meeting this morning with her current teacher which focused on goals for the remainder of the year has grounded me some. But I am anxious to move on. Time to settle down and be with her where she is.

Montessori School - Update

This morning I visited our local Montessori school. Here are my impressions.

The first thing I have to comment on is that the environment in both classrooms that I visited was very, very calm. The students and the teachers were both quietly going about their business. It was quiet, and calm.

I arrived and went to the door of the "Children's House," (ages 3 and 4) and found the door to be locked. I rang the bell. Through the door I could see kids sitting in a circle, just inside. I wondered if I had gone to the wrong entrance. Right away a woman came to the door, and introduced herself. I was in the right place. She would be my tour guide. We walked into the room, right into the middle of the classroom. Around us were children engaged in all sorts of activities. I was told that the younger kids can choose whatever activity they want to work on. Everything is laid out on shelves so that everything can be seen from any point in the room.

The set-up in the Early Elementary room (this year, grades K-2, next year grades 1-3) is the same. In this room, the kids are also allowed to work on whatever they choose, though there is more attention paid to the kids visiting different academic areas; math, science, language arts... If I understood this right, the older group has a daily "plan" that he/she is involved in. The teacher and student come up with areas that the child plans to visit on a given day. Each child progresses at his/her own pace. I observed the kids sitting around the room working on various academic pursuits. Some had workbooks and worked on writing. One had a math workbook. One had his "clipboard" with his plan for the day. And so forth. But all were busy working on something. Occasionally, a child or two would get up, go to a specific table, and have something to eat. The children are allowed to do so when they want to. They are expected to take out what they need, and clean up when they are through. And they do.

I asked if they felt the students keep up academically with each subject. They replied that not only do they keep up, but are sometimes quite advanced at the finish of their Montessori education, compared with kids in the public schools. And the students have been encouraged to be self-guided and independent all along, and thus should be able to adjust to any educational environment. There is no homework at any point in the Montessori school system. The kids, apparently, are so engaged in their hands-on studies during the day that no homework is necessary. And, I was told, the type of work they do at school would be difficult to bring home. Children, of course, can further their studies at home if they wish.

Both groups go out for recess each day. The play area is small. Compared to DD's current school, it is tiny. I am told the kids go out most days, skipping recess only if it is very, very cold outside. Apparently the children go out in the rain if it's not too heavy, as they can walk under covered areas. Otherwise, the kids are in one largish room for the day. Oh, and the children change their shoes each morning, from outside shoes to inside shoes. Not slippers. Just different shoes.

There are parent/teacher conferences in the fall and in the spring. There are no tests. At the start of the year, only some materials are in the classroom, and as the year goes on, more are brought out. The idea is that some of the materials need instruction, and the children will receive this instruction as time goes on. Each month there is a theme. (Currently in the Children's House: Rocks and minerals. In the Early Elementary school: Amphibians.) Each academic subject will revolve around the monthly theme.

It was difficult, in some ways, for me to wrap my head around what I was seeing and being told. I was raised, after the age of 5, in the conventional school system, and know how that works. (I attended a Montessori school from age 2 1/2-5) Science class teaches science concepts. In math, you do math. How the teachers can oversee the progress of all of these students in an environment where each does, mostly, what he or she wants at any given moment, is hard to comprehend. They do have some "classes," such as music, Spanish and art. But the rest is incorporated. Hm.

I love the calm. I love that the kids are given so much self-guidance, which is great for confidence and self-reliance. I like that the day is done when the day is done, no expectation that the child will spend his/her evening doing more work. It just almost seems too good to be true. How do the kids learn about history? Geography? How can a teacher spend time with one who wants to learn about that, when there are many others who need help elsewhere? I don't get it. But people say the kids come out advanced. They learn in the area they are interested in and are ready to learn in, so they learn it better. And faster?

I told hubby that comparing this school with DD's current school is sort of like comparing apples with oranges. They are so different. Perhaps the calm environment of Montessori is what will help DD grow through some of her anxieties and gain more confidence. Should that be the primary goal? Won't that help her to learn and grow more successfully?

Information sent to me from our local Montessori school. Double click the photos to enlarge.

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My Daily Checklist: (to be updated throughout the day)

Drink water - yes! Lots. 

Name a "happy" moment - My daughter was in a pleasant mood after school today. Her happy/calm mood made me feel good.  

Exercise - Wii yoga 15 minutes

Enjoy peace - I noticed the sun when it broke through the clouds today. 

Time alone - Evening break, 45 min. Drive to and from Montessori visit.

Good sleep/rest - 8.5 hours of good sleep

Eat well - So-so. Lots of pasta, and pizza for dinner. Also salad, rice, cereal. 

Do something for purge plan - I finally started...nothing out of the house yet, but several items slated to go. Hubby helping to select items to go.

Leisure activity - Blogging

Montessori School - Update

Two positive things to report about the Montessori mission. One is that as of today I have a confirmed date to go tour the local Montessori school and talk with the head of school. I really look forward to that. The other is that (stick with me, here) the other day I was chatting online with my neighbor, D, who knows someone I know for the MOMS Club, P. D told me that P has a friend, M, who has a child in the local Montessori school. So D promised to send me M's contact information. Right after that I saw that P was online, so I chatted with her, and found out that M is also in our MOMS Club chapter, and I know her. (Not well, but I know who she is) SO...P gives me her phone number. Cool. So today I take the kids to the Y to swim, and who is there swimming with her two kids, but M! So I ask her about Montessori. We talked a lot. The basic gist of the conversation was that she LOVES the local Montessori school. So much so that she said her commute (15 min.) is worth it, and that she'd pay MORE to keep her child there if she had to. Wow. She invited me to contact her anytime to talk more about it, and said she loves to talk about it. She said that she's at the pool every Thursday, so we could meet there! Funny, and so encouraging. Very encouraging. =) If DD did go there, she'd be in M's son's class. (she'd be in 1st, he'd be in 2nd, but 1st-3rd is all together.) I hope I'm not getting over excited about this. I want to do the right thing. But everything seems to be pointing in that direction. I just want DD to be in an environment where she feels good about herself, self-confident, and comfortable.

Montessori School

Since DD was born, I have been interested in Montessori education. When a Montessori school opened just a few miles from us, I went to an open house. This was a couple of years ago. I remember at the time being unimpressed by the large class size, and being informed that conflict resolution by the children is encouraged. Not that I'm against that, but when you're talking about little kids, or big kids for that matter, I think some guidance is needed. Anyhow, I left the place and turned my attention elsewhere.

Recently, I have been become interested, once again, in seeing what is out there for DD education-wise. My renewed interest comes after seeing that DD's anxieties, which are pretty overpowering sometimes, continue to surface fairly frequently despite her having been at her current school for pre-k and now Kindergarten. Not that I expect them to go away - I don't. She faces the world the way I do, with trepidation and hesitation. But I feel that at least looking into other environments is warranted. I add that she is thriving where she is - I truly believe that - despite the fact that she often refuses to eat at school, she flat out refuses to use the bathroom there if I'm not there, and she won't throw things in the garbage. That is clearly DD's way of taking control the only way she feels she can. And that's not good enough. If she can thrive in an environment in which she continues to feel out of control in, I'd love to see what she would do in an environment in which she feels more relaxed and in charge. So.

I have read a little bit about Montessori education. I was overwhelmed with the blurb I read about academics, and how they are force-fed from the age of three. I maybe shouldn't put it that way, but that is the impression I was left with after reading a blurb online. And I have been talking to people. Then last week I went to a preschool open house, and cornered the head of school of our local Montessori school. She left me with the impression that much of the day-to-day learning is child-led. A child is allowed to pick his/her task, work on it alone or with other students, and complete it at his/her pace. I asked her how they would handle a situation where a student refused to eat, or didn't speak up in class. (DD's current school has made a big issue over the fact that DD is too shy to greet the other students at the morning meeting) The answers she gave were, in turn, that the students prepare the morning snack, and can eat, or play, whatever they choose. They do eat lunch together. She said that the students are free to raise their hands and speak up in class if they choose, and not if they don't. The students are also free to observe rather than participate in an activity if that's what they choose. Hmmmm. Although I will miss an open house at the school this weekend, I was encouraged to call to come for a tour, and told that I can come observe the classroom. Let me add that Montessori is multi-age, and if DD were to go there, she would be grouped with 1st, 2nd and 3rd graders. (Her current school is multi-aged as well, and I can't say enough about the benefits of that.)

Ok...so. Here are the pros and cons as I see them so far:

Montessori:

Pros:

Multi-age
student-led learning
each student learns at his/her level
each student works at his/her pace
academics introduced early, but at child's pace
monthly themes
parents invited to observe classroom throughout the year
4 miles from home - 7 minutes drive
I went to Montessori school from 2 1/2-5, and have mostly good memories of it.

Cons:

Tiny play yard (outdoor play very important to DD)
large class size (21 in one class this year)
DD has to make new friends (she is very timid)
very expensive
adjust to new teachers

Stay at current school:

Pros:

familiar with school, teachers and students
familiar with routine
huge playground area
smaller class sizes (13 this year)
she has made tremendous progress with bonding with other kids, working with other authority figures, gaining confidence

Cons:

expensive
10 mile, 17 minute drive each way - DD would have to take the bus at least one way
pressure to perform in areas where she is intensely uncomfortable. Some pressure is necessary, perhaps, but give me a break about talking in front of the entire school every morning! I'd run away!

Anyhow, I'll add to the list as I think of things, but I would LOVE to hear from anyone with any information or experience with Montessori education!!