Selective Mutism At My House - Therapy Begins

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Selective Mutism At My House - The Other Side of the Mountain

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Selective Mutism At My House - Endless

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Selective Mutism At My House - From Sick Back To Anxious

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Selective Mutism At My House - Seeking Professional Guidance

Yesterday I sent an email to the Selective Mutism Center in Philadelphia, PA, requesting information on getting an in-person, comprehensive evaluation done for our daughter. I have done a lot of reading on their website, and I'm finding even more reasons to be convinced of this diagnosis for her. The site mentioned such behaviors as bladder problems, (my daughter, when anxious, becomes absolutely fixated on needing to use the bathroom) defiance, (if she feels out of control of a situation she becomes defiant and stubborn, especial with DH,) all sorts of physical symptoms such as headaches, belly aches, and so on. Anyhow, it spurs me on.


Today has been a day! My daughter, after being out of school for two days with a genuine stomach bug, put on such a show this morning that she actually convinced me that she was still sick with it. This was after her being much better the second day out of school, and one day back at school. She was completely fine. But the lengths this little girl goes to to prove that she is not is truly heartbreaking to me. I told my husband on the phone that even though this morning's physical symptoms were due to anxiety and not physical illness, they are still there, and they are real! That doesn't mean that staying home from school is justified - just the opposite. But she had me fooled. The job of making the decision in the morning as to whether she's really feeling awful, or just very nervous, is very, very hard! It sucks, to be quite frank. My husband felt that she had manipulated me. Is it manipulation? I'm not entirely convinced of that. Did she want the day off? Yes indeed. Did she play things up to get that? Yes. But was it manipulative? Maybe. But maybe her anxieties are intense enough that she dupes herself, too. In any event, I do hope the center gets back to me soon! 


So the day continued. A long phone conversation with hubby gave me the opportunity to vent, then to feel better about my decision. Even though it was not the right one, darn it, I make the right one most of the time, and this little girl is upping the ante, improving her act, and works awfully darn hard to be convincing. What she has convinced me of is that what we are doing to help her through this is not nearly enough. I am a person who would rather do most anything than resort to medication, and I think medication might be in order for her. Just long enough to allow us to put some other coping mechanisms into place. In the meantime, I have a hard time blaming her for how she behaves, or the lengths she goes to to protect herself from her fears. How can I? 


So then I had to decide what to do with her while I took DS to his music class. Do I take her, and give the message that she simply needs to go with me to wherever I need to go today? Or do I keep DS home because DD is "sick"? Or do I ask hubby to come home and stay with her while I take him? In the end, DH came home and stayed with DD. She does not like to stay with him, especially if DS is not here. So it was basically a "natural consequence" of her deciding to stay home today. It also allowed me the 40 minutes of peace that I get while he's in class. She put up an argument that she was going with me!! And she would NOT stay with Papa!! And so forth, but finally the idea sunk in. She finds these situations easier if she's allowed to call me on the phone, which I always allow. She called me a couple of times, but was completely calm throughout my absence. For the remainder of the afternoon I just kept reminding her that she needed to keep quiet since she was home sick. This was almost comical, because she was not sick in the slightest, and did not want to remain on the couch! Again, natural consequence. She asked for all sorts of things, in particular a popsicle, which she has wanted for several days. I told her that it was not a good idea to fill her dodgy, healing belly with garbage, and that she would have to wait until she was feeling better. Well, that put her in a spot! She also asked to play outside, and started to run around the house with her brother. No, no, no! said Mama. Funny. Anyhow, she has already started to make protests about going tomorrow, but this woman is prepared to play it tough! Not that I like to be that way, I truly don't. But that's the position I'm in. Alas! So after returning from a trip to the store with both kids, and another reminder that she shouldn't be running around the house if she's sick, I gently pointed out to her (again) that she was experiencing anxiety this morning, and that once the pressure of school was taken away, she was fine. I asked if she understood that. She replied, "Sort of." Well, that's something.

Surrounded

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Selective Mutism At My House - A Family Affair

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Selective Mutism At My House - Cycling

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Selective Mutism At My House - Failure? Success!

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Selective Mutism At My House - School Field Trips

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Selective Mutism At My House - "I Hate"

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Selective Mutism At My House - Reading

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Selective Mutism At My House

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Hope

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School "Special Needs" Testing (child anxiety)

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Why Am I Like That? (child anxiety)

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Just Stuff

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Homeschooling

So this is where my mind has come. Time and time again. So I have been researching......

Today I discovered a school called Calvert, based in Maryland. It is both a physical school and a homeschool curriculum. And it's very interesting. The things that have overwhelmed me about the idea of homeschool are these:

*Much more work for me, when I am already overwhelmed and totally lack "me" time
*How would I know what to teach? And could I teach all that needed to be taught?
*How do I get credit for DD for having done the school year?
*Where do we find a local homeschooling community?
*How do I know if I'm pushing too much, too little (unlikely) or just the right amount (academically)?
*What about DS?

A person with whom I've gotten kind of friendly, also the kids' Kindermusik teacher, homeschools her daughter. I started to chat with her over email. She is very willing to share with me and answer my questions. She pointed me in the direction of a website that answers some of the logistical questions I have, particularly the one about getting credit for doing the work. It explains exactly what you need to do in order to inform the school district of your intention, what they will send you, how you submit an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) (I think they had another term for it, like IPEP or something like that) and how to submit quarterly progress reports. It also reviews testing requirements, and what occurs if progress is not being made. Very, very helpful.

A little more research online brought me to the website of the Calvert School. A great many more questions were answered. This is a school that will send you a complete year-long curriculum for any grade you choose, from preschool through 12th grade. This means a daily lesson plan! Wow! That takes a HUGE amount of anxiety out of the prospect. And after reading a sample lesson plan, the anxiety is down even more. It is likely far less than I would have insisted that DD do, and far more reasonable! I have no clue.

Hubby and I have discussed it a bit. His work day is his work day, not sure he is willing to be flexible with that, but maybe. If I figure it all out and present it to him in a way that looks good.

DS....well, he'd either have to attend a regular preschool, or get homeschooled also. DH does not like the idea of him being homeschooled as well. I would be ok with him attending preschool, but would he? After his two days in nursery school earlier this year, he has acted so traumatized by the whole experience I think it may be challenging........... Anyhow, that will be figured out if this ever becomes a reality.

Anyhow, I have no plans to make the switch at this time. But I am thinking it over, and I feel much better about it all after reading all of this stuff.

And thank you, dear K, for reaching out to me! My far-away friend homeschools, and she is glad she has been doing so. Her child had some difficulties in a traditional school setting, as does mine.

I welcome any thoughts or experiences please!

Down In the Valley...

Monday morning. The only day my daughter has school this week. And she's in hell. She is now saying, with great frequency, that she hates school. In the same vent she stated that "this school is the best" and yet she still hates it. And I hate forcing her to go. Day after day after day. I feel like a giant, walking conflict every morning. And it sucks. And I find myself saying in my head "I hate my life." Over and over. But is that true? No. It's not true. I love my life. No I don't. But I really COULD. I just feel that my bookshelf is toppled on the floor in a giant heap of a mess. And my daughter's is toppled on top of mine. And hubby's has toppled nearby, and is tangling in with ours. And I'm at a loss. I have undiagnosed ADD and when I see a mess, any kind of mess, I walk around in circles baffled as to where to start with cleaning it up. It is true tangibly, and it is true metaphorically. And so. I basically feel unfinished all the time. And my environment, physical and mental/emotional, is cluttered and unkempt.

And I'm the only one who can do something about it. So where to start?

Medication? Nope, I'm nursing.
Help? Whom?
Delegate more? Trying
Find a better situation for DD? Trying!!!
Find some joy for myself? Trying.
Clean my physical environment to help my mental environment? I try and try and try and get nowhere.

Anything else?

My typical day, represented in one 10 minute interval: Take a sip of coffee and set my coffee cup down. Start to walk somewhere, maybe the bathroom. Get distracted by DD, who says "You HAVE to see this!!" Go over to see whatever it is, for the 200th time that day. Speak some dully enthusiastic words to her, and start to head away. DD starts a conversation which draws me part way back. I inform her I"m headed to the bathroom. She asks if she can go too. Of course. I go, and she asks me to stay with her while she goes. Rolling my eyes, I stand near the bathroom door. She wants me to come in the room. Then DS wants to come in. I'm in the hall. DD wants DS to shut the door. She dawdles, and takes several minutes to get down to business. I am processing the fact that we have no one to care for the cats when we're going to be away, and notice that the cat box is, as usual, in need of attention. I then scold DD for playing in the bathroom sink, something that drives me crazy and she has been told endless times. Then the phone is ringing and it's DH. I'm on the phone, so the volume in the house rises exponentially. I walk away from the bathroom so I can hear, and DD is calling me back in urgent tones. Not an emergency, just her anxiety. DS is pulling the toilet paper out in a stream. DH is sounded extremely put-out by having to wait to talk while I redirect the kids. I rush them out of the bathroom, transferring his annoyance on them by being impatient and irritable. I put the tv on, and listen while my DD loudly protests my selection of shows. I walk away from the tv so I can try to hear DH, and trip over the cat, who wants to be fed. Now where did I put my coffee?

School Evaluation (child anxiety)

I have just returned from my daughter's mid-year school evaluation. The news is this. She is not following through on her work. There are days she does no work at all. She is frequently sitting outside of the classroom and requiring a teacher to lead her into the room. She is a rag doll. Dammit.

I informed them that we have reached out to a local provider, but will be unable to see this person until the end of December. The head of school informed me that we can request services through the school, and that she will initial this process. We need help. She needs help.

I am so discouraged and confused. Her behaviors at home have come almost back to baseline, as she has gotten over a recent cold. She is sleeping well, eating well, and her OCD behaviors are declining. But things are not improving at school. I don't know what to do.

Do I consider homeschooling to keep her on track academically? She will do work with me. Her focus is not always the best, but she is willing enough. At the moment she is basically wiling away the time at school, then doing some reading, and occasionally other work, at home. I said to my husband a few minutes ago that that is an expensive play date! But homeschooling would keep her from being around kids all the time, and from the classes she claims to like, such as music. But having her repeat grades is not going to help this situation at all.

I hope we kind find someone great who can help guide us. So sad.