I know this is something that every parent goes through, and each finds his/her way of handling these situations. It's fairly new to me.
My daughter has made great friends in Kindergarten. She has gotten especially friendly with one little girl. It seems that this girl, who I'll call Libby, kind of took my shy daughter under he wing. DD told me several times at the beginning of the school year that "Libby is mean, but not to me." Fast forward to the beginning of this week, mid-January. DD has gotten to be very friendly with several of the other kids in her class by this point. DD tells me that she doesn't like Libby anymore. She says that Libby is mean to the other kids, and she likes the other kids. I commend her for sticking up for them. So a couple of mornings ago, DD's teacher reports to me that DD has bonded with another student in the class. Great! I respond enthusiastically to the teacher. Then the teacher informs me that Libby is feeling left out as a result and is feeling sad. She, in fact, trying to physically wedge herself between the other two. I tell the teacher what DD has told me, and also tell her that despite all of this, DD still asks to do things with Libby. "Oh good," says teacher. "The relationship is salvageable then." Are you kidding me? think I. They're 5!! They'll be over it in a day and move on most likely. I don't say this. My big dilemma is whether to discuss this with Libby's mom. We have visited with the kids and each other a couple of times, and we've gotten kind of friendly with each other. Would it be good to give her a head's up? Or would it cause more stress than the situation warrants? Or more intervention than is needed? When do you leave it to the kids, or really to the teacher, to deal with? I can, and have, spoken with DD about it, but honestly, not at great length. I think it's admirable that she has chosen to steer clear of the conflict ultimately. I don't feel that she's angry with Libby, just choosing to remove herself from the conflict. I think she's managing herself in the situation just fine. Why mess with that? I'm really not sure what the teacher was asking me to do, but I think I've done my part. Do you?
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5 years ago
Jas had a similar situation last year with a girl that is again in her class. I do not believe that everyone must be friends with everyone. I told Jas that she did not need to be with friends with this girl, BUT she did need to be nice and respectful. This relieved Jas a lot, because she was very stressed with the fact that the teacher said that she HAD to be friends with this girl and the girl was forcing Jas to alienate from the rest of the class and she did not want that. Once I gave Jas "permission" to do what she felt was right for her, the situation resolved it's self for the most part. Occasionally Jas will come home and tell me that she played with the girl yesterday and today the girl was giving her problems because she was playing with someone else. Jas tells the girl that "yesterday was your turn and today is someone else's." Give your DD the power to make her own choices and just keep an eye on things.
ReplyDeleteSound advice, my friend.
ReplyDeleteYep--unless it becomes an issue where your daughter is doing something wrong, it's fine to leave it alone. The teacher may not know how to deal with it, or perhaps she feels deeply for kids who are left out--who knows?
ReplyDeleteI am not sure about bringing it up with Libby's mom. If you do, just make sure that neither of your are have any expectations of the other solving it--that's for the girls to figure out, especially since they are not actually fighting or anything. Perhaps you can just wait it out for now and see what happens. :)
I'm a big believer in "leave things alone" UNLESS your child does not want to go to school. I would not call the other mom. Chances are things will resolve on their own- these things tend to. I completely agree with the comment above- your child does not need to be friends with everyone, but must treat others kindly. I would continue to ask DD how things are going at school, who did she play with, how's Libby, etc... to make sure your daughter is doing OK at school.
ReplyDeleteJSN
My daughter seems pretty unswayed by the situation, and enjoys school. I will leave well enough alone. Thanks guys.
ReplyDeleteI agree. While it can be tempting to try to "help", it can really make matters worse by talking to the girl's mother. If Erin's fine and the teacher confirms that, then that's all you can ask for. She doesn't need your help here, and that's a beautiful thing!
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