I'm not sure if this is something I should blog about, but then I think, it's important, and perhaps getting some ideas from other people would be helpful. So here I go.
My husband and my daughter have an interesting relationship. They are at once very loving and caring and enjoy each other's company, and at the same time very critical and demanding of one another. So one minute they are laughing and engaged in some activity or other, and the next one or the other or both is speaking harshly to the other in utter frustration. It goes both ways. I'm in the middle much of the time. Both often want me to do something about whatever conflict has come up at the time. And the focus of the conflict is not the issue typically. It's the way they communicate about it. I will often hear DD saying, "BAD PAPA!" to which hubby will respond, "I have done nothing wrong!" to which DD will respond, with more conviction, "BAAAD PAPA!!" To which hubby will respond, with more conviction, "Don't talk to me that way!" And on and on. They both fuel the fire. So there I am, shaking my head, again, wondering what to do with it all. I know, for example, that our daughter is getting something out of the reaction she gets from him. She enjoys knowing she can stir him up. He seems unable to stop himself from becoming aggravated, and so the cycle continues. SIGHS! Much of it is harmless - I mean a little bickering never hurt anybody. But sometimes it gets ugly, and then I worry. (Not physical, just loud) On DDs end I see that she is truly disrespectful sometimes, and that's not ok. Hubby is an adult who deserves, and truly earns, that respect most of the time. He is an authority figure, and she would do well to learn to respect authority figures from a young age. On hubby's end, he is modeling poor conflict resolution and stress management. He is telling DD not to be obnoxious and disrespectful, but he not modeling ways for her to stop. And just to make this abundantly clear, I am NOT the perfect parent. I am guilty of yelling out of frustration. I am guilty of expecting more from my kids than they are capable of. I am guilty of expecting my poor husband of reading my mind. So I am not trying to give the impression that I do things perfectly and those two should model after me. I am just stating that I am an observer of a less-than-always-harmonious relationship, and I wonder if something should be done to make it more harmonious. I think that in most situations, as long as things are not too tense, they should be left alone to figure things out between them. After all, we all need to learn to get along with all sorts of people and personalities, and it is very helpful to be able to do so from the beginning if possible. But ... when do I intervene? Or do I not? Or do I initiate some other type of intervention? Your thoughts are appreciated!
How to wrap
2 years ago