2010 - A plan

It's funny how we tend to look at each new year as an opportunity to do things differently. To improve our lives or change our less than perfect life choices. I guess it helps to feel as if we can always start again. Sure! Who doesn't want a second chance at stuff?

For me, it means putting things into a better perspective. A better balance. Simply put, I need to make my needs a priority. I have sacrificed myself for my children, my husband, my father. And I did it with love and willingness. But it has worn me completely out. I became a me I no longer recognized. I have been too tired to even want more from life than to meet the needs of the ones I love. But I became a mom who yelled. And too frequently. I became a person who felt frustration more than joy. Resentment more than pleasure. Not good.

This is what made me realize that change is needed in ME, and how I became so focused on becoming more balanced. The arrival of the new year in a few days just gives a good starting point for more of what I've been working on all along, just in a sort of random and unfocused way. The fact is, I am enjoying myself. I am enjoying the purpose that this journey has given me, for me! I am also doing so for the ones I love. Afterall, how am I any good for them if I'm depleted and angry? I model what I feel every day, and children are very receptive. And frankly, I became sick and tired of feeling like crap.

So! I started this blog to help me to have a place to chronicle my efforts. It motivates me. And I have found I really enjoy writing. My blog is scattered and disorganized, much like my mind and environment, but perhaps that will change as I find ways to bring myself and my environment to a more peaceful, less cluttered and generally happier place.

So. The plan. To continue what I am doing, and feel good about it. To give myself a break once in while. To get involved with others who feel the way I do about holistic living and finding balance. To help myself find peace even in the face of disquiet. To accept myself even when it feels like others don't get me and/or don't want to. To find a way to return to enjoying life. I am 40, and I'm beginning to get ME. And....I like me. You don't have to. I am finally ok with that. Sort of. =) I keep my children close. Really close. I define attachment parenting. I think that green is the way to be. I really, really do. I am very excited to be getting involved with the Holistic Moms Network, and am beyond psyched that a chapter is forming near me. I think community supported agriculture is great. I like to be around positive, supportive people, and really get down when I'm around people who sap me of my strength. I am lonely, and don't understand why it's been so hard to make friends as an adult. I think I might be socially odd. So there it is. There's more, but that's good for now. Thanks for reading this.