It's funny how we tend to look at each new year as an opportunity to do things differently. To improve our lives or change our less than perfect life choices. I guess it helps to feel as if we can always start again. Sure! Who doesn't want a second chance at stuff?
For me, it means putting things into a better perspective. A better balance. Simply put, I need to make my needs a priority. I have sacrificed myself for my children, my husband, my father. And I did it with love and willingness. But it has worn me completely out. I became a me I no longer recognized. I have been too tired to even want more from life than to meet the needs of the ones I love. But I became a mom who yelled. And too frequently. I became a person who felt frustration more than joy. Resentment more than pleasure. Not good.
This is what made me realize that change is needed in ME, and how I became so focused on becoming more balanced. The arrival of the new year in a few days just gives a good starting point for more of what I've been working on all along, just in a sort of random and unfocused way. The fact is, I am enjoying myself. I am enjoying the purpose that this journey has given me, for me! I am also doing so for the ones I love. Afterall, how am I any good for them if I'm depleted and angry? I model what I feel every day, and children are very receptive. And frankly, I became sick and tired of feeling like crap.
So! I started this blog to help me to have a place to chronicle my efforts. It motivates me. And I have found I really enjoy writing. My blog is scattered and disorganized, much like my mind and environment, but perhaps that will change as I find ways to bring myself and my environment to a more peaceful, less cluttered and generally happier place.
So. The plan. To continue what I am doing, and feel good about it. To give myself a break once in while. To get involved with others who feel the way I do about holistic living and finding balance. To help myself find peace even in the face of disquiet. To accept myself even when it feels like others don't get me and/or don't want to. To find a way to return to enjoying life. I am 40, and I'm beginning to get ME. And....I like me. You don't have to. I am finally ok with that. Sort of. =) I keep my children close. Really close. I define attachment parenting. I think that green is the way to be. I really, really do. I am very excited to be getting involved with the Holistic Moms Network, and am beyond psyched that a chapter is forming near me. I think community supported agriculture is great. I like to be around positive, supportive people, and really get down when I'm around people who sap me of my strength. I am lonely, and don't understand why it's been so hard to make friends as an adult. I think I might be socially odd. So there it is. There's more, but that's good for now. Thanks for reading this.
How to wrap
1 year ago