I'm on a journey to find health and happiness through a more holistic and green lifestyle.

I find the world to be abrasive. =) That is to say, I feel the need to armor myself, physically and emotionally, in order to face life. Don't we all? Maybe. For whatever reason, it has become a priority in my life to rid my immediate environment of irritating things. And I'm sensitive! So there is much work to be done. But. I have thought for a long time that the things I come in contact with every day, and the stuff used to clean and maintain these things, need to be gentle and non-toxic. I have had eczema my entire life. For a long time I just dealt with it, and accepted that sometimes it's bad, and sometimes it's not, and that it will fluctuate a lot. Gradually over time I have come to find that certain things, fabrics, cleansers, materials, are more irritating to my skin than others. Stress can exacerbate it. In more recent times, I have realized that every aspect of my life improves when I improve conditions for my skin. Hah! What a concept! Thus my (long time) interest in going green, and my more recent desire to live a more holistic lifestyle. (I think I've felt a desire for a long time to live in a harmonious way with myself, my surroundings, and nature, but didn't have a name for it.) Anyhow, this blog is a journal of my trials and errors, and basic crooked path to find a balanced and peaceful existence for myself and my family. Thanks for your interest! I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Down In the Valley...

Monday morning. The only day my daughter has school this week. And she's in hell. She is now saying, with great frequency, that she hates school. In the same vent she stated that "this school is the best" and yet she still hates it. And I hate forcing her to go. Day after day after day. I feel like a giant, walking conflict every morning. And it sucks. And I find myself saying in my head "I hate my life." Over and over. But is that true? No. It's not true. I love my life. No I don't. But I really COULD. I just feel that my bookshelf is toppled on the floor in a giant heap of a mess. And my daughter's is toppled on top of mine. And hubby's has toppled nearby, and is tangling in with ours. And I'm at a loss. I have undiagnosed ADD and when I see a mess, any kind of mess, I walk around in circles baffled as to where to start with cleaning it up. It is true tangibly, and it is true metaphorically. And so. I basically feel unfinished all the time. And my environment, physical and mental/emotional, is cluttered and unkempt.

And I'm the only one who can do something about it. So where to start?

Medication? Nope, I'm nursing.
Help? Whom?
Delegate more? Trying
Find a better situation for DD? Trying!!!
Find some joy for myself? Trying.
Clean my physical environment to help my mental environment? I try and try and try and get nowhere.

Anything else?

My typical day, represented in one 10 minute interval: Take a sip of coffee and set my coffee cup down. Start to walk somewhere, maybe the bathroom. Get distracted by DD, who says "You HAVE to see this!!" Go over to see whatever it is, for the 200th time that day. Speak some dully enthusiastic words to her, and start to head away. DD starts a conversation which draws me part way back. I inform her I"m headed to the bathroom. She asks if she can go too. Of course. I go, and she asks me to stay with her while she goes. Rolling my eyes, I stand near the bathroom door. She wants me to come in the room. Then DS wants to come in. I'm in the hall. DD wants DS to shut the door. She dawdles, and takes several minutes to get down to business. I am processing the fact that we have no one to care for the cats when we're going to be away, and notice that the cat box is, as usual, in need of attention. I then scold DD for playing in the bathroom sink, something that drives me crazy and she has been told endless times. Then the phone is ringing and it's DH. I'm on the phone, so the volume in the house rises exponentially. I walk away from the bathroom so I can hear, and DD is calling me back in urgent tones. Not an emergency, just her anxiety. DS is pulling the toilet paper out in a stream. DH is sounded extremely put-out by having to wait to talk while I redirect the kids. I rush them out of the bathroom, transferring his annoyance on them by being impatient and irritable. I put the tv on, and listen while my DD loudly protests my selection of shows. I walk away from the tv so I can try to hear DH, and trip over the cat, who wants to be fed. Now where did I put my coffee?

1 comment:

  1. I want to say that I did take an antidepressent while breastfeeding both my sons. They do have ones u can take while breastfeeding. But there are other options. W/ Onaleigh I tried assorted natual things and found a 3tsp of my fish oil supplement did the same thing that Zoloft did for me. For some people a good vit B or Vit D supplement can help. Another option is EFT tapping(Emotional freedom technique..ask Stacy about this one). Diet change can also help ADD. So while medication can be used there are other options to try if that's the road u want to take. Oh and behavioral theropy. For that I recomend the bk The Feeling Good Handbook by David D. Burns.