Calmer Seas (child anxiety)

Time to update on DD.

Things are settling down nicely. Phew! DD's biggest complaint after school yesterday was that someone had moved her plant. =) I got a nice email from her teacher yesterday, too, that said that during a movement class, DD had gotten up in front of the class with another student and done a dance! Ok, she has officially surpassed me. I don't do that!! Very proud I am, yes indeedy.

That doesn't mean that she doesn't still get anxious in the mornings. She does. Dry heaves are not uncommon. Or the complaint of a belly ache. But she likes school.

We went to a school picnic two days ago. Several kids came up to her asking if she wanted to play with them, or sit on their picnic blanket with them, etc. It was very cool. She shied away from them for the most part, but I think that was more a result of me and her father and other parents being there. Something tells me she would have been off with them in a flash had it been school recess or something. And occasionally during the night she would forget herself and start to run off. Very good stuff.

I am working with her on reading every night now, as she won't read to the teachers at school. But I am not giving her a hard time about it. As I've been telling hubby in the evenings, she's made such incredible strides, and completely because she chose to, that I do not feel the need to pressure her about the reading and lessons at this point. I'll just work with her at home to be sure she's keeping up. Her reading is very slow and reluctant. We worked on it a bunch this summer, but a couple weeks before starting the new school, we stopped. It really shows that she hasn't been working on it for a while. Her confidence has decreased, and her reading is elementary at best. But she'll get there. When she decides to!

And a quick note on the little girl in DD's class. DD told me a few days ago that she thought this girl wanted to be friends with everyone in the class but her. That seems to have completely changed. For one, she approached DD a lot during the picnic, and was very friendly with her. Then I get the email from the teacher saying they performed a dance together for the class. And DD informed me yesterday that this same little girl has invited DD to come to her house on Halloween. Awright! =)

Words from a proud Mama!

Day 7 of School (child anxiety)

Ah. That's better!

First of all, I got up with the alarm this morning, and both kids stayed asleep. Nice. I had some coffee, I checked my email, and just enjoyed a few minutes to myself.

Hubby brought DD down. She curled up on the couch with her cats as usual, and watched tv. So far, same ole, except that DS was still in bed. Very unusual, as he's usually the first of us to wake up. I told DD that I would provide her with something to eat if and when she told me she wanted something. I accept that the idea taht food makes her ill in the morning, especially foods with strong smells, so I'm not cooking these days.

DS finally wakes up, and joins DD. I get a box of Cheerios, and he and I happily munch on them. With about 20 minutes to go, I announce that I am going to get the kids dressed. I do so. No problems....

As usual, when the time draws near to leave, I get up and start racing around. This is just what I do. I put things in the car, and do this I do that.... DD gets up and starts to go through her routine, too. As usual, she has her "as we're going out the door" stuff she "suddenly" remembers she needs, but even this is not too frenzied today. She gets her cloth (a wash cloth. She started this at her old school. She takes a cloth with her every day. It's almost like her security blanket. In prek and K, she would chew on it, yuck. Now she just has it, I think.) She will usually jump into the bathroom at the very last second. Honestly, I can't remember if she did so today. This particular part of the routine has relaxed some, now that she is comfortable using the bathroom at school. Once in the car, DD complained of having a belly ache. I told her I was sorry, and as always, was genuinely sympathetic. After all, the poor thing got this condition from me! She said something about being anxious, and I found myself suggesting she try to focus on the moment. At this moment, I explained, she is with me and her brother, in the car, and we're fine. I could really use this advice myself! I am anxious about going away this weekend, just the kids and me. Be in the moment, Mama! =)

Drop-off was fine. She timidly got out of the car, took her stuff from me, and walked with me as far as the path, where the assistant teacher was waiting with a few other kids. She slowly walked into the building, with a wave to me and DS.

I left thinking that she is adjusting. No barf today, only a sort of resignation to the situation. Of course I wish she looked forward to going. She doesn't. But she is becoming accepting of it, and she seems to be joining in while there. Her teacher did inform me that DD won't talk to her during lessons, but that she will talk with her about other subjects. The teacher feels she will "come around," and I hope she does. I am going to focus on the amazing things she has done in the 6 days of school she's had so far, and process other areas of growth later! I did ask the teacher to let me know if there are areas I can help out with at home.

Anyhow, she's looking forward to a weekend away. A nice reward for all her hard work. =)

SIGH (parenting)

Maybe I beating this topic to death, but I think it helps me to vent when I'm in the thick of all of this.

First of all, darling daughter IS adjusting to her new school, and seems happy enough most days. But she is throwing up every morning before we leave. Today she couldn't eat anything, and was panicked about having not eaten before going to school. I wasn't too worried about that because I know that she can grab a snack at school whenever she feels the need. Anyhow...

So today DS and I picked her up, and all was well. In fact, the kids miss each other a lot during the day, so they're very cute after school. He had told me during the day that he missed her. She came home with a picture she drew for him, with his name written all over it. Cute. Nice.

So at some point, we were just talking, and somehow the topic came up of a function my husband and I have to participate in for our son's school. It's a fund raiser, and we're being asked to work two five hour shifts to help with it. Of course my first thought was that there was no way I would get away with being gone for five hours at a stretch, so hubby and I had already agreed that we'd split the shifts. So anyhow, my daughter and I were talking, and the subject of the fund raiser came up. She asked what it was. I explained it to her, and she was excited at first. She wanted to be involved. I explained that it might be fun for a while, but five hours in a row might be a lot for her. I explained that she and her brother would just hang out with whichever of us wasn't working. She immediately got upset, saying she was going to stay with me wherever I was. I explained that I would be working, and it might get boring. She then said she'd stay home. I told her that was fine, she would only need to leave the house briefly so that hubby could come relieve me, or vice versa. She became so upset by this thought that she actually broke out in tears. (She is SIX years old) She said she was concerned about needing to use the bathroom on the drive. UGH. I told her that she'd be driving in to town and back. She went on and on about it. I told her she was being ridiculous. She said she wouldn't drive with her papa because of the bathroom. My entire insides felt like they became tied in knots. Seriously, this is getting beyond ridiculous, and it ticks me off that I have to be so confined by her anxiety!! I am so sympathetic so much of the time, but when I can't move, I get annoyed. Pissed! Anyhow, she asked me how long there was until the fund raiser. I told her that it is a MONTH away, but that even if it was a day away it shouldn't matter, because it really is not a big deal! I told her it was an obligation that her father and I have, and that it really has nothing to do with her. But she is insisting that she won't leave the house while I am away! So now my husband will be confined to the house during those shifts, not to mention our son. It's so frustrating! I suggested that we might have to get a babysitter because hubby and I will have to leave the house. She actually agreed to that plan, and said that grandma would need to stay at the house with her, and that our son would have to be with her! Her conditions are maddening!! Yes, folks, we're talking about something that is not occurring for a month! Oh!

Just needed to vent. =)

Week 2 Approaches (child anxiety)

By all accounts, my daughter had a good first week of school. Those of you who have followed this line of thought all along know that DD has some pretty intense anxiety issues, and that transitions can be very, very hard for her. And she nailed the first week of school. And at a new school where she knew no one. Atta girl! But the anxiety still exists. Of course it does.

Last night, Saturday night, she is having trouble falling asleep. She had slept quite late, so perhaps she just wasn't tired yet. But even this change in routine has got her (and ME) on edge. I am not allowed to leave the room until she falls asleep (kind of a bone-head thing I allowed to happen...I've always been there until the kids have fallen asleep) It is becoming obvious she is not going to settle down to sleep, and hubby suggests we allow her to come downstairs with us. Not ideal. Definitely not. I am quite protective of my evening time, as it is part of a very little bit of time I get to have sans kids during the day. I finally agree. She comes downstairs, sits in a chair, and waits. After a fairly short time of this (what were we going to do? We couldn't really watch the movie we've been watching - too violent. I didn't want to break out any food and set that precedence.) I gave up and decided to go to bed. We went up, I read, and we both went to sleep. Fast forward to tonight. Before even getting into bed, DD is anxiously informing me, again and again and again, that if she can't sleep, she is going to come downstairs with me. Ugh, I think. What I say is something along the lines of it being really important that she try to get to sleep as she has to get up early, blah de blah, parent-talk parent-talk. I read to the kids, DS falls asleep easily as usual, and DD pushes herself right up against me and hooks her arm through mine. I am sure she is trying to set herself up so that if I move, she'll be aware of it. I am feeling choked by her anxiety, again. I want to be understanding, and when given a little space I almost always am, but sometimes I get a little annoyed. I have gotten somewhat better at expressing something other than what I am feeling. I want her to feel loved and understood. It cannot be easy or fun to go through what she goes through. After a fairly short amount of time, she fell asleep. Hubby was about to come through the door with a creaky laundry basket, and I chased him out with a stern, "Do not wake her up!" I explained, of course, and he put the basket in another room.

Her anxiety manifests in other ways too, ways that are so a part of our lives that I forget to mention them. She refuses to go anywhere without me. Refuses. It doesn't matter where. Today we ran errands. If I went into a store, she went too. If I stayed in the car, she stayed in the car, too. She wanted to go swimming today. Hours went by and I lost interest in the trip. Hubby offered to take her, she refused. "NOT without Mama!!" She goes through short phases where she will do something with him, but mostly not. And it's been a long time since she has.

So here I am, downstairs, ready for some me time, but I have to reprocess everything first. It's what I do, and part of what I have to do to manage my own anxiety. Maybe now I can relax, and get ready to face week 2. Now that the acuteness of the first couple of days has passed, we will find out how her general anxiety plays out in this new environment. Fingers crossed and praying that Montessori is everything I have been hoping for...

More For The Etsy Shop (sewing)

It's a funny conflict for me. With the chill in the air, I feel the urge to make things and get my Etsy shop filled. People buy stuff for school, and start to think about getting gifts for the winter holidays. I want to have stuff to offer. At the same time, I have so little sewing time, that I prefer to sew stuff for my kids, and for the house. Hm. So I have to compromise. A little of this and a little of that.

I made these for my dear son, but totally misjudged his size this time. He seems to be outgrowing some stuff, so I made this in the next biggest size. He SWAM in them. So to the shop they went!

I really should prepare during the year and do craft shows. I would probably have more success with them than I do with Etsy, simply because Etsy requires a more constant focus. Maybe next year....

My Etsy shop is here.

Day 3 of School

6:30 a.m., the blasting alarm gets hubby flying. Literally. Across the room to turn the obnoxious thing off. A minute or two later, darling boy and I get up. About 7am, we collect little girl from bed. Oh, she looks tired. Poor thing. To the couch they go. And on goes the tv.

I gently move around, getting things done. I make myself some toast, and offer to make something for DD, "when you're ready." The kids are watching a Leap Frog "educational" dvd about alphabet sounds. DD periodically tells me I can make her something to eat "after the B." Then, "after the M" then "after the W" and so forth. In the meantime, I bring my toast to the couch, and DS asks for some. DD immediately turns green and starts coughing. She just can't handle the concept of food. Still way to anxious. And yet she wants to eat before school. Hm. She informs me that she has a sore throat, and makes a feeble argument for staying home today.

As the time approaches 8 a.m., I start to get the kids dressed. DD and I had previously discussed her not wearing a pull-up to school any longer, but maybe using a pad of some sort, if needed. (Ya do what you have to do, we're talking the difference between anxiety and panic attack here) I informed DD that I have not had time to make any pads yet, but I had a paper substitute she could. Unexpectedly, this resulted in her bursting in to tears, saying she could NOT use a paper one, and needed a pull-up. I informed her that she would not be using a pull-up. At this point I decided to tell her that her teacher had suggested to me that she not wear them any more, and I told her the teacher's reasons behind that. She absorbed this information for a while.

After getting DD dressed, she informed me that she wasn't in the mood for a dress (unusual) because she didn't like the idea of having to mess with it to get to her pants. Ok. (Mama is started to get agitated at this point. I'm not a terribly patient person, and this is starting to get on my nerves...) I race around, watching the clock, and find her another shirt in the dryer. She agrees to wear it, and we change her shirt.

I am then grabbing shoes and socks and stuffing them on the kids. It is officially time to go. Then, as we're walking out the door, DD announces she wants to use the bathroom. I am officially irritable and impatient at this point, and I tell her to "Go!" Of course I then feel bad for barking at her, and once she is clipped in the car and ready to go, I apologize to her and explain that part of my anxiety manifests in extreme anxiety if I think I/we might be late. This applied to most any situation. I hate to be late. (As a result I am often early, and end up sitting around waiting)

We get to school, and I explain to DS how this works. I don't want him freaking because he can't get out of the car. No problems there. On the way, DD had gone over and over and over with me what I am to say to the teacher who meets us at the car. That she had a sore throat this morning, and if she has to go to the bathroom and they are outside for recess she will tell this particular student, and so on and so on. Okokok. We greet the teacher, I give her the messages, and my daughter is on her way in, again.

Fast forward to 2:50pm, and DS and I are once again parked at the curbside, next to DD's school. She comes out, smiles when she sees us (I love that) and walks toward the car. This little girl looks beat. She is walking slowly, her face looks almost sleepy. For one thing, she hardly ate a thing from her lunch box. I'm not sure why, but she told me that she wasn't in the mood for her sandwich, didn't like the cheese, etc and so forth. I attempt to feed her, but the fact is, she is not hungry. She is calm for the rest of the day, and goes to bed quickly and without argument. She was tired. I told her, twice, how very proud I am of how she has faced her first week of school. And I really, really am.

AAaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! (parenting)

This is how my day has gone so far.

I am woken by my son, as usual. After lying in bed for a little while, we get up. It is 6:30 a.m. My son has had no trouble at all switching to our school schedule, it seems. We head downstairs. Dear daughter has seen us, but chooses to stay in bed for a while. Good girl. 7 a.m., she comes down, too.

The kids are hungry. It's a day off from school, so I decide to make pancakes. Awesome. The kids are in to it, and help out. Each ingredient has to be added by half, so each child gets to add some. I get an ear full when my son gets to add extra stuff. She had been busy mixing, so I just handed him the stuff. Bad call, Mama. We make the pancakes, they eat. My son is "butter man" and my daughter is "syrup woman." They both do a pretty good job of this. No major catastrophes. Before I've even made my own pancakes, they are done, and have run off. My mommy brain tells me that I have a little while before I need to check in on things, so I clean up and eat. I decide that I'll put the news on while I eat. I get absorbed in a news story about the tv Brady family, and another one of those "where they are now" shows. I only watch for about five minutes. I clean my plate up, then head upstairs.

In total, less than 10 minutes has gone by since the kids left the kitchen. I walk in to DD's room to find them systematically throwing small beads, erasers and other little things out of the hole in the window screen. The hole in the window screen?? I ask DD if she made the hole, and bless her little 6-year-old heart, she honestly nods her head. I take it what all they are doing, inform her that that was not the best idea she's ever had, and go take a shower. The shower is a way for me to think through how I want to handle all of this. Before getting in, I inform her what the purpose of the screen is, and how it will now need to be replaced. "It will?" grrr.... I take my shower.

I have not raised my voice at all. I am worried about under-reacting. I inform her that I think she'll need to help pay for the new screen with her allowance. I ask the children to stop pushing things out of the hole. They have continued to work on this for the duration of my (short) shower. DD stops right away, two-year-old DS is less willing. I start to lecture DD. I add, of course, that she is modeling behaviors for little brother. (As if she is not aware of this, as if she doesn't use him in her plots!)

I inform DD that she will need to go outside and pick all of the little things out of the landscaping before she can move on to anything else. She takes this fairly well in her stride. She gets herself dressed, and heads out. DD is SLOW in most everything she does. And she is SLOW with this. I am an impatient person, but I am working very hard at not letting myself take over and just get the job done already! I pace around as she ggrraadduuaallyy moves around the bushes, picking up one bead here, an eraser over there.........argh! Periodically she picks up a stick and sticks it in the pricker bush. Then she needs to go in to use the bathroom. Etc and so forth. When she comes out, I can't take it any more, and I start to help. She has done most of it by this point. We finish up (I'm sure there are 100 more beads out there hiding) and head in.

I inform her that what I should do is take away her play date from today, but the fact is, I don't want to take that away. For one thing, it's our main plan for today, the first holiday from school. And I need the distraction! And she does, too. And the other thing is that we are getting together with her best friend, and the two of them now go to different schools. Her mom and I understand the importance of their friendship, and really want to keep them connected. So while out there, as she complained about how un-fun it was picking up the tiny little objects, I lectured that maybe next time she would remember what a drag it was picking up after herself, and maybe she'd make a different decision next time. She told me (and I thought this was cute) that she did it because it was fun, even though she had an awareness that it was not a good idea. Enter me, saying that there are many such things in life, and that sometimes the aftermath makes the fun thing not worth it, and that hopefully she'll learn to make good decisions about these things on her own. (Please, please!)

Next scene, we're in the house, and the kids are in the living room. DD asks to watch a program. DS declares he does not want to watch a program. DD picks her program, and I put it on. DS freaks, saying he did not want to watch a program. This is an old lecture, but I remind him, again, that he does not need to watch, he can choose to go do something else. Both kids seem to think that if the tv is on, they MUST be in front of it, whether it's something the want to watch or not. I hate this. I have started to limit the tv a bit. I get so sick of it. And arguing over what program to watch just seems so idiotic to me. Argue about something substantial! Give me a break!

I am hoping our play date calls soon. It's 10 a.m.