I'm on a journey to find health and happiness through a more holistic and green lifestyle.

I find the world to be abrasive. =) That is to say, I feel the need to armor myself, physically and emotionally, in order to face life. Don't we all? Maybe. For whatever reason, it has become a priority in my life to rid my immediate environment of irritating things. And I'm sensitive! So there is much work to be done. But. I have thought for a long time that the things I come in contact with every day, and the stuff used to clean and maintain these things, need to be gentle and non-toxic. I have had eczema my entire life. For a long time I just dealt with it, and accepted that sometimes it's bad, and sometimes it's not, and that it will fluctuate a lot. Gradually over time I have come to find that certain things, fabrics, cleansers, materials, are more irritating to my skin than others. Stress can exacerbate it. In more recent times, I have realized that every aspect of my life improves when I improve conditions for my skin. Hah! What a concept! Thus my (long time) interest in going green, and my more recent desire to live a more holistic lifestyle. (I think I've felt a desire for a long time to live in a harmonious way with myself, my surroundings, and nature, but didn't have a name for it.) Anyhow, this blog is a journal of my trials and errors, and basic crooked path to find a balanced and peaceful existence for myself and my family. Thanks for your interest! I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Breaking Point (child anxiety)

My daughter is upstairs screaming her head off. And I am spending my "break" writing about it. It is impossible to get away from her anxiety problems. We are at a breaking point.

What's new today? Nothing. Why is she freaking out? All I can do is guess. She is frustrated because we all started to go for a walk this morning, and ended up coming right back. First of all, both kids insisted that I go, when I had no desire to. I now have the cold the kids have had for over a week, and I just want to be in. And my hubby enjoys taking them outside. But the won't accept that. So I reluctantly agreed. But it took so damn long to actually be on our way that I set out pissed off. A few meters down the road, both kids are frozen. I agree to go back and get DD's gloves. DS insists on going with me. We get inside, and he wants to stay. DD has also followed me back, but is furious that we don't want to head out again. Hubby agrees to take her, but she rejects this offer. Mind boggling frustration. And this is just one example! Then she has only eaten sugary Gogurt and apple sauce today. So she's hungry and starting to have a sugar meltdown. I slice her a piece of bread and put cream cheese on it. I know, lovely diet. But the girl will hardly eat a thing, so I am happy that she's willing to eat anything non-sugary. Then she wants me to tell her it's ok to eat every. single. bite. And I won't. I agree to tell her it's ok to eat every four bites. And the negotiations begin. She says she won't eat. And I tell her that's fine. Which is not what she wants to hear. And it goes from there. So then I start to help DH clean the house, and we are having a couple of people over later to celebrate DS's birthday. His party had to be canceled last w/e due to his illness. She freaks b/c she doesn't know where I am (I'm upstairs, headed back down.) DH tries to intercede, and she's screaming at this point. He then announces that I am going to go take my break (my weekend morning breaks always end up being closer to afternoon breaks....) She's at the door to the basement screaming and blocking my way. But even within this meltdown she has to get her OCD stuff out: "Tell me if you're going outside, set the time, blahblah."

So here I am, unable to enjoy my time because I am so worried about all of this. I am sick to death of all of this, and the fact that I am so confined that I can't move one inch in either direction without tripping over a child.

And then MIL is coming over today, and she has been in a "helping" mode which is generally anything but. She has all kinds of ideas about how to "manage" DD's issues, and there are times when I'm up for hearing those ideas, and times (like now) when I am not. I hope I can hold my tongue. Her advice on the phone yesterday was to take DD to a play this afternoon. Yeah, right!

Anyhow, I will now try to focus on something else for the rest of "my" time.

This sucks.

A while later, I made myself some bean soup. I decided to feed some to my daughter. She said it was the best bean soup she's ever eaten (she'd had it before, actually.) She ate a ton.... and of course her mood improved dramatically. I did point this out to her. (Gently) I hope she can start to make the connection. Sighs. She has been feeling good ever since.

No comments:

Post a Comment