Just Stuff

It is that time of year in this area of the world for all of the S.A.D types, like me, to start getting out in the light. Yeah, I get seasonal affective disorder, which for me usually means feeling agitated for no reason, lasting for about a week. I have come to find that if I walk most days for about 15 minutes, I can go the entire season without this weird physical reaction to the lack of outdoor time and light. But I've run into a snag. My children freak out if I leave them. Even if it means going around the stupid block for a walk. So here I sit in the basement of my house, in a room with no windows. Not a good solution to my impending jitters. And it's gonna be a bad one this year, if my instinct is on. I feel it. I have been blue anyway, a result of the stress that comes with being a full time me to a bunch of people and animals, two of whom have anxiety issues of their own. Sigh. So. The trick is to achieve what I need while balancing and managing what they all need, or think they need, too. I did, in fact, get outside today. We had friends over, and spent some time in the back yard. So that counts. Exercise? No. But that will have to be done at another time. hm. Ok, so involve the kids in that, too, somehow. DD would love to go to the YMCA. DS? Not so much. Go without him? Not likely. He's in his own little panic-mode at the moment. Hard to move these days. I feel strongly that taking DS to school for two days had a terrible effect on him, even though I was there in the next room. He hated it. Today at a library program he charged into the fray, as is his style, but after a couple of minutes, looked for me in a mini-panic. He again charged into the situation, but a couple of minutes later needed to check in with me. He was never like this before school. Oh, and he has not attempted the bathroom a single time since school, something he was doing on his own once every couple of days before then. So my needs, whatever they be at any given time, need to be snuck in there with the needs of the others. I can do this.

As I write this, my kids are yelling down to me. They know my "break" ends in the next couple of minutes. I can be in the basement, but not outside.

I'm tired of the things that have brought me some meaning in the last months. I get so excited to list something in my Etsy shop, and become so disappointed when there is little to no interest in what I make. Then I wonder why I bother with it. Because it's fun, in a way. But the let down is not fun. So instead of creating and piling up all these random things that sit in my sewing room collecting dust, I need to refocus my efforts. I love to sew.  But I want to sew for my family. And that's it. Subject to change without notice! But really. Why bother with the rest of it? It's just frustrating.

My break has ended. I need to stop here. I'll post, because I don't know if I'll remember to or want to continue with this mind-stream.

Another mood for another day. Bye.