If you've read my post called Intervention? Part 2, you are aware that my husband and daughter have a somewhat tumultuous relationship. They love each other, but have an interesting way of communicating with each other.
Lately I have been thinking about the summer, and the fall, and have started to look into options for summer camp, and so forth. We are new members of the YMCA, so I spent some time the other day looking into their programs for kids. Finding programs my daughter will participate in is somewhat challenging, as she consistently says she won't go unless I go with her. Programs designed for kids her age are mostly without a parent. (She's 5) So I was very excited to find a program at the Y for kids ages 5-9 WITH a parent or significant adult. It is called Adventure Guides. It's held once a week for an hour in the late afternoon, and it states "...you will have the opportunity to develop a stronger relationship with your child..." The focus is on "...family, nature, community, fun..." which couldn't be more suited for our nature girl. I immediately thought it would be a great class to sign her up for. My second thought was that it would be a great opportunity for my hubby and daughter to bond and have some fun together.
When my hubby called from work that day, I told him about the class. He was all over it.
I told my daughter about it after school-she flat out refused to go with hubby.
Shoot!! I think it's a great opportunity. But I'm stuck between making her go with him and sending her the message that she has no say in the matter and no control, but also gives her a much needed opportunity to spend quality time with her papa and have some fun together...and either dropping it altogether, or, as she prefers, just going with her myself. Part of me wants to push her to go with him, and hubby feels that way, too. She'd get her head around it and would adjust. But I am also aware that it could backfire, and just cause more issues between the two of them.
An interesting note to add is that when I went online to register, I couldn't find that particular class. I sent an email to the contact person and haven't heard back. Perhaps it's a sign...
The Kit
4 months ago
What if going is a must, but the snack item after class from the vending machine is her choice? Or what if she gets to choose where they go after, such as on a walk in a park or on a trail?
ReplyDeleteCan you call her bluff and tell her how fun it will be (with choices above mentioned) and then tell her it's time to go, then have your DH leave without her (and allow him to go somewhere of his choosing for a little while). How do you think she'd react? I know my son would freak out once he realized he'd be missing out on something potentially fun... we've had this non-chalant "OK, you're not going then" attitude and it only took a couple of times for the message to sink in. No drama, just a quick reality check.
Hope this helps... gotta start my own blog so you can read and reply to my woes!
I am so tired now (thanks to Yolates!!) that I forgot to mention above that your DD would of course be able to come along- it would be the expectation- but if she complained, said "no", etc., then your DH would just leave the house for awhile.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds great, but it wouldn't fly with Erin. She'd let him go, and move on. =) It would be either we make her go, or we don't.
ReplyDeleteYolates was great. =) Thank goodness I didn't have to work out again when I go home!!!
I would LOVE it if you started a blog! I'd live there! =)
ReplyDeleteWhile at the Y yesterday, I asked about the class. They found it in the class schedule book as I had, but couldn't find it in the computer database. Weird. I was given the phone number of the contact person. Maybe it's a lost cause after all...but I'll call today and find out.
ReplyDeleteA possible solution is that either they can go to the class together or they can spend that time together doing an activity- in or out of the house. That way, there is scheduled time for the 2 of them, which is part of your point. I would let DD know that those are her 2 choices, and she should think about it- is there any reason for her to answer right away? I would also ask the Y if you can show up for the first class as a trial without signing up. I have done that with classes- then I don't feel pressure to go because I've signed up and I can see how my child reacts to the class/teacher. Then DD knows what she is missing if she doesn't go to the class.
ReplyDeleteJSN
BTW, I would NOT give in to her and go to the class with her. Remember your point of doing the class- so hubby and DD have time 2gether.
ReplyDeleteJSN
I like the idea of DD having a choice but either choice is something with hubby. We do switch off nights where DD gets special 1:1 time with whichever parent is not cooking that night, so there is that. She gets 1:1 time every day. Perhaps once a week it could be an hour on their night...I don't know. Hubby is so discouraged.
ReplyDeleteEvery weekend I've been taking DD to a craft class at the university in town. He could take her to that once in a while, too. She has two classmates/friends going to it this weekend also, so that would be good incentive. Maybe I"ll push for that.