Gentle Nudge

Today is the first day of DD's winter vacation. Ok, it's not really. Yesterday was. But hubby was home, so it felt like a weekend day. It wasn't until last night that I started to feel the dread that comes with the knowledge that I will be the sole child care provider from early in the morning until late in the afternoon. Why that makes me feel so burdened, I don't know. It's been my truth for over five years. Day after day after day. I guess just having another adult around means that I get five seconds of breathing room every now and then. On my own, I face a day of doing it all: taking care of their needs and entertaining, while trying to fit in my needs, and frankly, trying desperately to find ways to entertain myself.

There are things I really enjoy about the unstructured days that we have. The kids can be so creative. This morning, my daughter was playing computer games, and found a paper lantern that she could design online, then print out and shape into a lantern. This lead to her wanting to make blank paper lanterns that people could design on their own. She made one, and spent the better part of an hour drawing and pasting stuff on to it. I love to watch her doing this stuff. Darling son got into the act, and enjoyed playing with the craft items and glue.

The downside of these types of independent projects is that stuff gets everywhere. I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, it's fun to play with stuff, and it's fun to get it everywhere. On the other hand, my daughter has inherited my lack of neatness, and doesn't think twice about leaving stuff all over the place and moving on to something else. Ugh. So of course that means that most likely I will be picking it up, and I don't enjoy the task any more than she does. And it becomes my job to try to teach her how to be more organized and to clean up after herself, NOT my forte!! So ugh. Blek. Yuck.

So....while I feel great about her craftiness, I get really bummed out by her messiness, and so.

Basically it brings me right back to my plan for this year, which is to PURGE about half, if not more, of our STUFF. By doing so I am making much needed space in our house, and I feel it will be much easier for the kids to see what they need to do to pick up after themselves. (And me, too) And there will actually be places to put things away, rather than moving things from one surface to another. (Which is really discouraging.) And it's a huge thing for me, as I don't throw away anything. I'm not good at it! I attach sentimental feelings to anything. ANYTHING. So this is huge for me. But I'm working on it. I feel that I cannot expect DD to be neat and organized while living in a house that is anything but. And I have simply run out of places to put things. As I write this, my computer teeters on the pile of booklets and papers that it sits on. Pathetic. So every time I get angry or discouraged at the mess around the kids, I ultimately get upset with myself, and restart my efforts to get rid of stuff. And so.

Once again I am moving my way around the kitchen, trying to find things to get out of the house. (It's kitchen items month in my year of purge) I run into snags all the time, because many of the things I want to get rid of have plenty of life left in them, so I don't feel right throwing them away. But I don't know where to take them. For kitchen purge month I have contacted DD's school, and they will take some stuff, and a community center, which will take small items that I can drop off once a week at certain hours. (It's work...will I do it? I hope so.)

So....it's a gentle nudge, a reminder, a restart. It keeps a person on task who is as scattered and as distractable as they come. I, like my DD, spin in circles and never know where to start or how to stay on task. But for her sake, and for my own sake, I will keep trying.