Listing
Simple fermented buckwheat crackers
2 months ago
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Trying My Hand At Selling What I Sew
Listing
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Blah
I've got the blahs.
Usually the blahs last for a few days, then my spirits start to lift again. This is an extended blah. And I'm having trouble moving past it this time.
Now I know me, and when it gets cold, I have to start making myself get outside every day, or I get seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and start to feel nervous, shaky, down.... I know from past winters that if I get out every day for at least 15 minutes, I can go the whole dark season without getting SAD. I don't think this is just SAD. First of all, it's early. It's usually February when I start to get the typical SAD symptoms. Secondly, this blah is a little different. I just feel discouraged. And lonely. And tired. I basically start to look forward to going to bed as soon as I wake up in the morning. That's depression.
So. I am a QMHP. (qualified mental health professional) So I should be able to make a treatment plan for myself. The tough part is sticking to it. But the first step is agreeing there's a problem. (I feel like dog doo) The second is making a plan to do something about it.
Service plan for WF 41 YO presenting with: Depression
Week 1: Get outside every day for a minimum of 15 minutes
Exercise every other day for a minimum of 10 minutes (aerobic exercise)
Make a social plan at least 1x/2 week period
Get 8 hours of sleep every night
The third step is to implement it. Today I informed my family I was going for a walk. The kids ultimately decided they were going with me. After about 20 minutes of them "getting ready" while I waited, we headed out the door. Neither is enthusiastic about such things, but neither wanted to stay home with Papa, so they ended up walking to the end of the street with me. My DD decided to "beat us home" and ran back. Awesome. I ended up carrying my DS, but he walked a good bit of the way. So we all got out. (Hubby too) It's a good start. Maybe I'll set up an incentive chart for myself. Childish, maybe, but it helps me. Maybe the social plan can be my reward.
Blah.
Usually the blahs last for a few days, then my spirits start to lift again. This is an extended blah. And I'm having trouble moving past it this time.
Now I know me, and when it gets cold, I have to start making myself get outside every day, or I get seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and start to feel nervous, shaky, down.... I know from past winters that if I get out every day for at least 15 minutes, I can go the whole dark season without getting SAD. I don't think this is just SAD. First of all, it's early. It's usually February when I start to get the typical SAD symptoms. Secondly, this blah is a little different. I just feel discouraged. And lonely. And tired. I basically start to look forward to going to bed as soon as I wake up in the morning. That's depression.
So. I am a QMHP. (qualified mental health professional) So I should be able to make a treatment plan for myself. The tough part is sticking to it. But the first step is agreeing there's a problem. (I feel like dog doo) The second is making a plan to do something about it.
Service plan for WF 41 YO presenting with: Depression
Week 1: Get outside every day for a minimum of 15 minutes
Exercise every other day for a minimum of 10 minutes (aerobic exercise)
Make a social plan at least 1x/2 week period
Get 8 hours of sleep every night
The third step is to implement it. Today I informed my family I was going for a walk. The kids ultimately decided they were going with me. After about 20 minutes of them "getting ready" while I waited, we headed out the door. Neither is enthusiastic about such things, but neither wanted to stay home with Papa, so they ended up walking to the end of the street with me. My DD decided to "beat us home" and ran back. Awesome. I ended up carrying my DS, but he walked a good bit of the way. So we all got out. (Hubby too) It's a good start. Maybe I'll set up an incentive chart for myself. Childish, maybe, but it helps me. Maybe the social plan can be my reward.
Blah.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Homeschooling
So this is where my mind has come. Time and time again. So I have been researching......
Today I discovered a school called Calvert, based in Maryland. It is both a physical school and a homeschool curriculum. And it's very interesting. The things that have overwhelmed me about the idea of homeschool are these:
*Much more work for me, when I am already overwhelmed and totally lack "me" time
*How would I know what to teach? And could I teach all that needed to be taught?
*How do I get credit for DD for having done the school year?
*Where do we find a local homeschooling community?
*How do I know if I'm pushing too much, too little (unlikely) or just the right amount (academically)?
*What about DS?
A person with whom I've gotten kind of friendly, also the kids' Kindermusik teacher, homeschools her daughter. I started to chat with her over email. She is very willing to share with me and answer my questions. She pointed me in the direction of a website that answers some of the logistical questions I have, particularly the one about getting credit for doing the work. It explains exactly what you need to do in order to inform the school district of your intention, what they will send you, how you submit an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) (I think they had another term for it, like IPEP or something like that) and how to submit quarterly progress reports. It also reviews testing requirements, and what occurs if progress is not being made. Very, very helpful.
A little more research online brought me to the website of the Calvert School. A great many more questions were answered. This is a school that will send you a complete year-long curriculum for any grade you choose, from preschool through 12th grade. This means a daily lesson plan! Wow! That takes a HUGE amount of anxiety out of the prospect. And after reading a sample lesson plan, the anxiety is down even more. It is likely far less than I would have insisted that DD do, and far more reasonable! I have no clue.
Hubby and I have discussed it a bit. His work day is his work day, not sure he is willing to be flexible with that, but maybe. If I figure it all out and present it to him in a way that looks good.
DS....well, he'd either have to attend a regular preschool, or get homeschooled also. DH does not like the idea of him being homeschooled as well. I would be ok with him attending preschool, but would he? After his two days in nursery school earlier this year, he has acted so traumatized by the whole experience I think it may be challenging........... Anyhow, that will be figured out if this ever becomes a reality.
Anyhow, I have no plans to make the switch at this time. But I am thinking it over, and I feel much better about it all after reading all of this stuff.
And thank you, dear K, for reaching out to me! My far-away friend homeschools, and she is glad she has been doing so. Her child had some difficulties in a traditional school setting, as does mine.
I welcome any thoughts or experiences please!
Today I discovered a school called Calvert, based in Maryland. It is both a physical school and a homeschool curriculum. And it's very interesting. The things that have overwhelmed me about the idea of homeschool are these:
*Much more work for me, when I am already overwhelmed and totally lack "me" time
*How would I know what to teach? And could I teach all that needed to be taught?
*How do I get credit for DD for having done the school year?
*Where do we find a local homeschooling community?
*How do I know if I'm pushing too much, too little (unlikely) or just the right amount (academically)?
*What about DS?
A person with whom I've gotten kind of friendly, also the kids' Kindermusik teacher, homeschools her daughter. I started to chat with her over email. She is very willing to share with me and answer my questions. She pointed me in the direction of a website that answers some of the logistical questions I have, particularly the one about getting credit for doing the work. It explains exactly what you need to do in order to inform the school district of your intention, what they will send you, how you submit an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) (I think they had another term for it, like IPEP or something like that) and how to submit quarterly progress reports. It also reviews testing requirements, and what occurs if progress is not being made. Very, very helpful.
A little more research online brought me to the website of the Calvert School. A great many more questions were answered. This is a school that will send you a complete year-long curriculum for any grade you choose, from preschool through 12th grade. This means a daily lesson plan! Wow! That takes a HUGE amount of anxiety out of the prospect. And after reading a sample lesson plan, the anxiety is down even more. It is likely far less than I would have insisted that DD do, and far more reasonable! I have no clue.
Hubby and I have discussed it a bit. His work day is his work day, not sure he is willing to be flexible with that, but maybe. If I figure it all out and present it to him in a way that looks good.
DS....well, he'd either have to attend a regular preschool, or get homeschooled also. DH does not like the idea of him being homeschooled as well. I would be ok with him attending preschool, but would he? After his two days in nursery school earlier this year, he has acted so traumatized by the whole experience I think it may be challenging........... Anyhow, that will be figured out if this ever becomes a reality.
Anyhow, I have no plans to make the switch at this time. But I am thinking it over, and I feel much better about it all after reading all of this stuff.
And thank you, dear K, for reaching out to me! My far-away friend homeschools, and she is glad she has been doing so. Her child had some difficulties in a traditional school setting, as does mine.
I welcome any thoughts or experiences please!
Down In the Valley...
Monday morning. The only day my daughter has school this week. And she's in hell. She is now saying, with great frequency, that she hates school. In the same vent she stated that "this school is the best" and yet she still hates it. And I hate forcing her to go. Day after day after day. I feel like a giant, walking conflict every morning. And it sucks. And I find myself saying in my head "I hate my life." Over and over. But is that true? No. It's not true. I love my life. No I don't. But I really COULD. I just feel that my bookshelf is toppled on the floor in a giant heap of a mess. And my daughter's is toppled on top of mine. And hubby's has toppled nearby, and is tangling in with ours. And I'm at a loss. I have undiagnosed ADD and when I see a mess, any kind of mess, I walk around in circles baffled as to where to start with cleaning it up. It is true tangibly, and it is true metaphorically. And so. I basically feel unfinished all the time. And my environment, physical and mental/emotional, is cluttered and unkempt.
And I'm the only one who can do something about it. So where to start?
Medication? Nope, I'm nursing.
Help? Whom?
Delegate more? Trying
Find a better situation for DD? Trying!!!
Find some joy for myself? Trying.
Clean my physical environment to help my mental environment? I try and try and try and get nowhere.
Anything else?
My typical day, represented in one 10 minute interval: Take a sip of coffee and set my coffee cup down. Start to walk somewhere, maybe the bathroom. Get distracted by DD, who says "You HAVE to see this!!" Go over to see whatever it is, for the 200th time that day. Speak some dully enthusiastic words to her, and start to head away. DD starts a conversation which draws me part way back. I inform her I"m headed to the bathroom. She asks if she can go too. Of course. I go, and she asks me to stay with her while she goes. Rolling my eyes, I stand near the bathroom door. She wants me to come in the room. Then DS wants to come in. I'm in the hall. DD wants DS to shut the door. She dawdles, and takes several minutes to get down to business. I am processing the fact that we have no one to care for the cats when we're going to be away, and notice that the cat box is, as usual, in need of attention. I then scold DD for playing in the bathroom sink, something that drives me crazy and she has been told endless times. Then the phone is ringing and it's DH. I'm on the phone, so the volume in the house rises exponentially. I walk away from the bathroom so I can hear, and DD is calling me back in urgent tones. Not an emergency, just her anxiety. DS is pulling the toilet paper out in a stream. DH is sounded extremely put-out by having to wait to talk while I redirect the kids. I rush them out of the bathroom, transferring his annoyance on them by being impatient and irritable. I put the tv on, and listen while my DD loudly protests my selection of shows. I walk away from the tv so I can try to hear DH, and trip over the cat, who wants to be fed. Now where did I put my coffee?
And I'm the only one who can do something about it. So where to start?
Medication? Nope, I'm nursing.
Help? Whom?
Delegate more? Trying
Find a better situation for DD? Trying!!!
Find some joy for myself? Trying.
Clean my physical environment to help my mental environment? I try and try and try and get nowhere.
Anything else?
My typical day, represented in one 10 minute interval: Take a sip of coffee and set my coffee cup down. Start to walk somewhere, maybe the bathroom. Get distracted by DD, who says "You HAVE to see this!!" Go over to see whatever it is, for the 200th time that day. Speak some dully enthusiastic words to her, and start to head away. DD starts a conversation which draws me part way back. I inform her I"m headed to the bathroom. She asks if she can go too. Of course. I go, and she asks me to stay with her while she goes. Rolling my eyes, I stand near the bathroom door. She wants me to come in the room. Then DS wants to come in. I'm in the hall. DD wants DS to shut the door. She dawdles, and takes several minutes to get down to business. I am processing the fact that we have no one to care for the cats when we're going to be away, and notice that the cat box is, as usual, in need of attention. I then scold DD for playing in the bathroom sink, something that drives me crazy and she has been told endless times. Then the phone is ringing and it's DH. I'm on the phone, so the volume in the house rises exponentially. I walk away from the bathroom so I can hear, and DD is calling me back in urgent tones. Not an emergency, just her anxiety. DS is pulling the toilet paper out in a stream. DH is sounded extremely put-out by having to wait to talk while I redirect the kids. I rush them out of the bathroom, transferring his annoyance on them by being impatient and irritable. I put the tv on, and listen while my DD loudly protests my selection of shows. I walk away from the tv so I can try to hear DH, and trip over the cat, who wants to be fed. Now where did I put my coffee?
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
School Evaluation (child anxiety)
I have just returned from my daughter's mid-year school evaluation. The news is this. She is not following through on her work. There are days she does no work at all. She is frequently sitting outside of the classroom and requiring a teacher to lead her into the room. She is a rag doll. Dammit.
I informed them that we have reached out to a local provider, but will be unable to see this person until the end of December. The head of school informed me that we can request services through the school, and that she will initial this process. We need help. She needs help.
I am so discouraged and confused. Her behaviors at home have come almost back to baseline, as she has gotten over a recent cold. She is sleeping well, eating well, and her OCD behaviors are declining. But things are not improving at school. I don't know what to do.
Do I consider homeschooling to keep her on track academically? She will do work with me. Her focus is not always the best, but she is willing enough. At the moment she is basically wiling away the time at school, then doing some reading, and occasionally other work, at home. I said to my husband a few minutes ago that that is an expensive play date! But homeschooling would keep her from being around kids all the time, and from the classes she claims to like, such as music. But having her repeat grades is not going to help this situation at all.
I hope we kind find someone great who can help guide us. So sad.
I informed them that we have reached out to a local provider, but will be unable to see this person until the end of December. The head of school informed me that we can request services through the school, and that she will initial this process. We need help. She needs help.
I am so discouraged and confused. Her behaviors at home have come almost back to baseline, as she has gotten over a recent cold. She is sleeping well, eating well, and her OCD behaviors are declining. But things are not improving at school. I don't know what to do.
Do I consider homeschooling to keep her on track academically? She will do work with me. Her focus is not always the best, but she is willing enough. At the moment she is basically wiling away the time at school, then doing some reading, and occasionally other work, at home. I said to my husband a few minutes ago that that is an expensive play date! But homeschooling would keep her from being around kids all the time, and from the classes she claims to like, such as music. But having her repeat grades is not going to help this situation at all.
I hope we kind find someone great who can help guide us. So sad.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Cycle Complete?
It seems that DD's anxiety cycles, and there seem to be very specific triggers. This past cycle occurred while DD was sick with a bad cold, and seems to be done now.
This morning, DD was calm. All the way through the morning routine. She said her usual stuff, such as "I don't want to go to school today," and "How many days left of school?" and "I wish the day was shorter" (which I agree with) and so on. But the anxiety was not there. The panic. The fear. Not there today. And she ATE. This little girl has not eaten anything for breakfast for a long time now. That wasn't new when she got sick. But it was something I had forgotten about her. That she goes in cycles with appetite, too. That has been true since she was a very little girl. For a week or two, she will eat small amounts, then things switch, and she eats lot more for a couple of weeks. Then it switches back again. So with the end of this cold and this anxiety cycle, her appetite has risen HUGELY. We have been using our new juicer a lot, and while DD is very interested in the juices, she typically does not drink much. This morning we juiced three pears and one carrot, and she drank quite a bit. YES! She also ate some bread with peanut butter that I had put out. Excellent. That does not mean my sweet girl is cured of anxiety, but it means that for right now, she has returned to baseline. Ahhhh.....
Just to throw this in there, I have asked DD not to eat any dairy for one week to see if it makes a difference in the frequent belly aches and gas she complains of. She has been diary-free for only about two full days now (we started Sunday lunch time) but she has not complained at all about stomach discomfort or gas pains so far. She has also been agreeable to taking a probiotic each morning over the last several days.
This morning, DD was calm. All the way through the morning routine. She said her usual stuff, such as "I don't want to go to school today," and "How many days left of school?" and "I wish the day was shorter" (which I agree with) and so on. But the anxiety was not there. The panic. The fear. Not there today. And she ATE. This little girl has not eaten anything for breakfast for a long time now. That wasn't new when she got sick. But it was something I had forgotten about her. That she goes in cycles with appetite, too. That has been true since she was a very little girl. For a week or two, she will eat small amounts, then things switch, and she eats lot more for a couple of weeks. Then it switches back again. So with the end of this cold and this anxiety cycle, her appetite has risen HUGELY. We have been using our new juicer a lot, and while DD is very interested in the juices, she typically does not drink much. This morning we juiced three pears and one carrot, and she drank quite a bit. YES! She also ate some bread with peanut butter that I had put out. Excellent. That does not mean my sweet girl is cured of anxiety, but it means that for right now, she has returned to baseline. Ahhhh.....
Just to throw this in there, I have asked DD not to eat any dairy for one week to see if it makes a difference in the frequent belly aches and gas she complains of. She has been diary-free for only about two full days now (we started Sunday lunch time) but she has not complained at all about stomach discomfort or gas pains so far. She has also been agreeable to taking a probiotic each morning over the last several days.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
