Follow-Up To Experiment In Parenting

Yesterday I wrote about changing things at home - adding more responsibility to the children, and encouraging more independence. I want to write a little bit about our first day. First of all, I filled my husband in on the plan, because consistency is key. To his credit, he did follow through with the plan, even while I was away. lol. Anyhow, for each meal we have asked the kids to clean up the table, which tends to be a catch-all during the day. We've then asked them to set the table, and to clear their dishes after the meal. Results? They do it. The first time, it was like a game. Both seemed to enjoy the tasks. After the first time, my oldest said, "We're doing this again?" But did so. The younger one needs much more one-on-one attention with this stuff, but he'll do what he's asked to do. Yesterday I asked my oldest to do a load of laundry. She did. At first she protested a little, but once she started, she actually said, "This is fun!" And this morning, she "reminded" me that today is our son's turn. (We were out all day, so time didn't allow his load to go through too) I have asked both kids to put their pjs in a basket on the stairs when they dress, and they do so. Not a lot to ask, and it takes reminders to myself some of the time, but if we keep it up, it will become part of the flow. It's a good start.

Experiment In Parenting - A Montessori Approach

A couple of minutes ago, the Head of School for my daughter's Montessori school sent around the link to a YouTube video on one person's view of the comparison between traditional education and Montessori education. Whenever I see something like this, I think about how much Montessori education has meant to us as a family. My daughter spent her first year at Montessori last year, and being a child with anxiety issues which effect everything that she does, we were and are stunned by the changes that have occurred over the year. I give most of this credit to her. She has grown so much, and has taken on the challenges the anxiety presents to her with incredible strength and perseverance. But I also credit the school, the Montessori method, and her wonderful teacher. So much so that I have made it my mission to do as much as I can to help the school grow and flourish, so that it is available to her, to us, for as long as possible.

But I also compare the Montessori method of teaching to my parenting style, and vow to make changes. Then life happens, I make much smaller changes than I intend on, and life continues as is.

So today I am going to vow, again, to make some changes at home, that loosely reflect the Montessori method at school. Here are my thoughts.

First of all, I am going to ask the children to take on more of the responsibilities for making the house run smoothly. I started to do a little of this. Such as occasionally asking them to set the table. More frequently, asking them to bring their dishes to the sink. When I am with them at pj time, sometimes, I set the pjs in front of them, and ask them to get themselves changed, rather than doing it for them. I am going to try to be more consistent with this, and have it become part of the routine. I also plan to ask the children to complete one load of laundry every Saturday, from washing through putting them away. This will have the added (sighs) benefit of forcing me to have the dryer empty, and the laundry baskets empty as well!

I have gotten a bit lazy about making the kids, for example, turn the tv off during lunch. I have mixed feelings, and that is obvious because some days I reinforce this rule, and other days, I don't. I find myself feeding my kids sometimes, while they lounge on the couch. Yikes! I am going to try something new: when we are home, I will ask the children to turn off the tv, to set the table, and to help prepare and serve lunch. I don't think it will be a big deal to them. They are pretty easy-going, and I have always found that kids work well with routine.

My daughter works on reading every day, because she is too timid (Selective Mutism) to read out loud at school. I need to figure out how to work the Montessori method into this as well. She hates reading, and it can be a giant struggle getting her to focus. This is a hard one for me to figure out, because Montessori suggests that children should learn at their pace, yet at the same time there is concern that she'll fall behind for her grade level, and that it would be noticeable to her. So I force her to study every day. She'll complain, but then she'll realize she can read something while we're out and about, and she's obviously pleased by that. So .... anyhow, I stick to my guns with that, despite her protests. On the other hand, she loves the workbook work we do, so maybe I should allow her to do just workbook, which does involve some reading. Though that doesn't feel like enough. I don't know. I just want her to be in a place where she feels confident in the classroom, despite her shyness, and that means work at home.

Anyhow, I'll start here, and see how things go.

*Warning!* Sentry Natural Defense Flea and Tick Treatment is Dangerous For Cats!

On Friday, May 6th, I went to Benson's Pet Center with the sole purpose of purchasing some flea and tick repellent for our two cats. I went to the check-out counter and asked an employee to help me find some natural repellent. I prefer to avoid toxic chemicals whenever possible, for us, and for the cats. She took me right to a display that is in full view of the counter, at the front of a very full store. She pointed out this product: Sentry Natural Defense Natural Flea & Tick Squeeze-On for Cats & Kittens. "That was easy!" I said to the employee, and bought the stuff, for $13.50.

That afternoon, my daughter and I applied the stuff to both cats. I had read every word on the box, and was a little surprised at the recommendation of wearing both gloves and eye protective gear while applying this product, which claimed to be "Safe for USe Around Children and Pets." Hm. Very shortly after applying the stuff, our male cat started to scratch at the application site. Now cats do not like anything applied to their fur or skin, so I noted the reaction, and kept an eye. Now the reason for applying the stuff in the first place was that our daughter had found a fully engorged tick in the house, under a chair where our male cat likes to sleep. Over the next couple of days, the cat continued to scratch at his neck. And on Sunday, we realized he had a tick there. Ok, so I figured the scratching was due to that. The cat went out for a few minutes, then came in, and I went to remove the tick. It had fallen off on its own, outside, thank goodness. (YUK) Monday morning, my daughter held the cat on her lap, and noticed that he was trembling. I looked, and yes, he had developed a tremor in his head. I called the vet, and brought him in, along with the flea/tick treatment I had applied. A short while later, one of the doctors called me to say that she had done some online research on the essential oils in the product, and found that one, in particular, clove oil, had strong suggestions against use on cats. (The product is 7.0% clove oil) She said also that peppermint is not well tolerated by cats. (The product is 10.0% peppermint oil) She told me that these ingredients can cause liver and kidney damage, and recommended blood work to test. I agreed, of course, and thank goodness, the tests came back normal. She told me the cat had been bathed, to remove the product, and that he would be bathed again before I picked him up. She then informed me that she had called the company that makes this "natural" product, Sentry, and filed a claim with them! She said she'd give me the information to do the same, once the cat is healthy again. (Why I had to wait for that I'm not sure) To add insult to injury, the cat had THREE more ticks removed while at the vet. So not only is the stuff toxic, but un-effective! Add to that the vet bill of $151.50. Gads!!

The cat has been home for two days now, and seems to be doing well. I have noticed no more tremors, and he is no longer scratching at the area we applied the product. We have washed the area of the other cat as well as we can, and she seems ok, though she did vomit this morning (Wednesday.) Related? I don't know.

The vet informed me that no flea and tick remedies are 100% effective, but she did recommend Front Line, which is applied in the same way that the Sentry stuff is apparently. She said that you weigh the pros and cons when using anything like this. I have yet to use anything else on the cats, and have yet to see another tick.... sighs.... but the cats are now only allowed to occupy one room in the house, which is closed off to the rest of the house. And they can go out.

I have to say that I am so disappointed in this company. I use essential oils in my home and on myself and my family, and like any medication, they must be tested and used with caution. It is so very irresponsible of this company to misuse them in this way. It's dangerous for the cats, makes all-natural products seem unsafe and dangerous, and in that way, promotes the use of toxic chemicals. When used appropriately (with lots of thorough research) natural products are far safer than the chemicals we assume are safe because they are widely marketed.

Additional Information:

The ingredients listed for the Sentry Natural Defense flea and tick product:

Active Ingredients:
peppermint oil 10.00%
clove oil 7.00%
lemon grass oil 3.0%

Other Ingredients:
canola oil, vanillin, citric acid 80.00%

A couple of websites with information about essential oils and cats:

essential oil safety and cats

essential oil and cats: a potentially toxic mix - the website includes a list of some essential oils that are known to be toxic to cats. The first on the list is peppermint oil.

do essential oils kill cats? - this website claims that it is not the essential oils that are harmful to cats, but the additives. It claims that therapeutic grade e.o.s can be used. Hm... not sure if I agree with this! It is well documented that several e.o.s are dangerous for cats - in any form! Here's a quote from this site: "Like their other senses, cats have an acute sense of smell. They are usually not too keen on being treated with essential oils – so it can take some ingenuity to sneak up on them and apply any oils." What?! Why would anyone do that? It devastates me that this kind of suggestion is out there. Cats have far better instincts in general as to what is good for them and what is not than humans do. We might do well to pay more attention to what they do! 


There is lots and lots of information on the internet about all this. Do a quick search online on clove oil and cats. It's pretty clear. While clove oil is great as an insecticide, it is also pretty good way to get rid of your cats! The cats cannot metabolize the oils, they become toxic, and the cats suffer from liver failure. Essential oils and cats DO NOT MIX! Lesson learned. 

Trauma

On Monday, March 28th, my children and I were in a terrible car accident. While returning home from posting a notice at the vet's about our missing cat, we were rear-ended while stopped to turn into our road. This car pushed us into oncoming traffic, and we were hit again by a man traveling the other way. It was horrible, surreal, shocking, and a thousand other things. Although there are a few little things I remember, my entire focus was on my children. I recall saying, "We're ok, we're ok, we're ok" over and over again. Hoping, praying, that it was true. Both children cried right away (the pediatrician later asked this.) They didn't scream, as I recall. But cried, yes. Not me. I was in Mama-mode the entire time. Make the children ok as soon as possible. So I talked at them and went right to them. I don't remember at all if I put the car in gear, or turned it off.... I must have at least put it in park. My only recollection is that the air bag deployed, and that it seemed smaller than I thought it would be. I don't remember if it hit me. I don't remember if I hit anything. My glasses flew off my face. I got out of the car and opened the rear driver's side door to get the children out of the car. I held my son and put my arm around my daughter, and walked us across the street to the grass. I thought I was heading toward our road, but I was heading toward the opposite road. During the accident, my car had been turned completely around, so we ended up facing the opposite direction. Without glasses and being so stunned, it took me several minutes to realize this. I remember realizing the corner didn't look like our street, and trying to find the street sign. My son stopped crying shortly after getting out of the car. My daughter continued to cry for several minutes. Strangers came up to offer their help. I particularly remember two people, who stayed near us for the duration. A tall, thin man, who offered his car, his coat, his scarf, and a blanket that belongs to his infant child. We took all but the car, my daughter being uncomfortable with that idea. A woman, older than me, with light colored hair. I actually told this woman my name, and she mine, but the information is gone. Several other people offered us the warmth of their car. Only my daughter was wearing her coat.  Eventually, after a police officer offered his car, my son asked to sit in it. My daughter stood outside the door for a few minutes, then indicated that she'd like to get in, too. I tried to light-heartedly show the kids the emergency vehicles as they arrived, and the inside of the police car. My son noticed my driver's license and car documents in a clip on the inside of the police car and said, "Is that your picture on the roof?" Surreal. Two neighbors showed their faces and offered their help. The police officer offered to get things from the car, and the only thing I could think to request was my glasses. (Cell phone? Coats? Didn't even cross my rattled mind) Before getting into the police car, I asked the tall man if I could use his cell phone, and I called my husband and asked him to come get the kids. My daughter was getting upset by the sight of the car. A first responder did his best to check us for physical complaints. I turned down a hospital visit. I thought getting home was best for the children. Hubby arrived, and shortly thereafter we were given a print-out of the information of all of the driver's, and were ok to go home.

My car saved our lives. And kept us from serious injury. My daughter had a small scratch on her cheek. My son had a mark on his neck where his seat belt did its job. I developed a bruise on my left knee.

But we didn't walk away unscarred. I physically quaked for about three days. I am still reliving the accident at least once a day, typically at night as I try to rest. My daughter is having dreams about the accident. She had one this morning. My son keeps asking about the car. And as time goes on, I process. As the total shock starts to wear off, my feelings start to come through. How utterly lucky we were to come away physically unscathed. Several people commented about this fact. Including the police officer on the scene. Which car were you in? THAT one? That's a good car!! Then the total unrailing of our lives. Initally, my husband having to leave work suddenly to come help us. Saying goodbye to my car as the remains were hauled onto a flatbed truck and taken away. Comforting my traumatized children and reassuring them that right now it was ok for Papa to drive on the grass in order to keep out of the way of the cars that had to be rerouted around the scene. Telling the police officer that there was nothing in the car he could get for me, because my mind was a total blank. Home. Headache. Fear. Exhaustion. I don't know what we did for the remainder of the day. I really don't know. We all fell into bed exhausted.

Phone calls. My version of the accident to my insurance company, and to the one of the man who hit us from the front. Four days later, a letter from the insurance company of the woman who hit us. I had to call them. A woman, telling me that there was a limit on what they would pay! But a strong suggestion to replace the car seats, and charge the insurance company. Excellent. The front-hitter's company sent letter, too. They want a form filled out, and a drawing done. They also took a recorded statement over the phone. Hope you're ok, sorry that happened, we'll take care of things, etc. But please rate us a 10 in the survey. (Holy...)

At the suggestion of several friends (over Facebook, where is everyone?) I took the kids and myself to our doctors and had us checked out. As I knew, we were all physically fine, but now there is a record that we followed through with this.

I badly needed someone to talk things through with during the first couple of days. But that wasn't do-able because I was using borrowed time from hubby as it was to get the kids and me checked out, to be one the phone for long periods, to get us from here to there. So I talked to him, one night, in tears. But because of that 10 minutes of being able to shake at him and express my upset, I was able to sleep. I am feeling better every day. On top of the stress, the second night, my son was up at 3:30 a.m. He didn't express upset, but was wide awake, for the duration of the morning. So I was exhausted upon exhausted upon tired upon shaken etc and so forth. And then, during that same night, the cat, who had been gone for 7 days, appeared at the back door. Causing me to break out in tears, not knowing what emotion to allow to surface first. And then hearing my daughter say, the next day, that the accident was the cat's fault, because we were coming home from the vet when it happened.

But it's Saturday, and I'm feeling a lot closer to normal now.

So today's job is to help my daughter process all of this. To help her to understand why she is dreaming about the accident. To understand that it's ok to feel nervous about it all, even though the fault was not ours. How I shook while getting in the car for two days. For a couple of days, when we'd get into hubby's car, she would ask me not to "break Papa's car" and I would remind her that we did nothing wrong. And she would say, "I forgot." Yesterday, she asked me if I was awake enough to take her to school. I don't take offense. I understand.

Originally, I set out to write about the stages of trauma, which I looked up this morning in order to better help my daughter, primarily, but all of us, to get through all of this. And I ended up moving myself along the stages. Hm. It all makes me feel so tired.

Eucalyptus Globulus Essential Oil For Cold/Chest Congestion

I have a cold that has been going on for more than a week. It went through all the basic phases, and I was well on the way to recovery when some stressful events prevented the good rest and sleep required to nip the sucker in the bud. So it's lingering. And it's in my chest. I figured that in order to give my body the extra boost it needs to get on top of this thing, I'd look into essential oils for chest congestion. As I have read before for colds, I found that eucalyptus is recommended for chest congestion. I read that HERE.
I bought some recently, to use with the kids when they get sick. As suggested, I put 3 drops of eucalyptus globulus essential oil in a bowl, and poured some boiling water over it. I breathed in the steam for about two minutes (five minutes was recommended, but I have a 3-year-old) I am waiting to see how effective this is. I will do this again tonight, and will diffuse some in our bedroom before we go to sleep. It is supposed to loosen things up, but also help zap the bug that's causing it to begin with. I'll come back with my results.

Ok, it has been maybe 45 minutes, and my cough is much reduced. I can feel the eucalyptus in my chest. I have since looked up several more articles on chest congestion, and the majority of those recommended eucalyptus oil, among others. Peppermint e.o. is also frequently suggested. I have learned that the idea of steam inhalation with eucalyptus is that the steam helps to open the chest allowing the e.o.s to get in there and kill the virus/bacteria. So at this point I can say that the treatment is giving me some relief. Time will tell if it will actually help to end this cold/bug.

My sinuses started to bother me about 3.5 hours after my first eucalyptus treatment, so I just did another one. I felt pretty good for that amount of time, though. Not without a cough at all, but a less persistent and productive one. The trial continues...

The Dangers of Lysol and Other "Cleaning" Products

AKA The Dirt on Clean!

So often, since becoming a mom, I've heard people comment that after an illness sweeps through their home, they "Lysoled" or "Bleached" everywhere. And my reaction (in my head only until now) is to wonder if, by cleaning with these products, are we doing more harm than good. Yes, bleach will kill a cold germ, and Lysol will make the house smell as if it's been cleaned. But at what price? I was curious, so I started to do a little research. Here is some info. I found on my first search, first article:

This website claims:

"Warning

• Keep Lysol spray out of the reach of children and do not expose your children or pets to the spray. Do not spray on or near food because of the risk of ethanol poisoning."

  Yuk. Sounds discouraging. What else? 

  Ethanol

  • Shingleberrysigns.com
    

    "Ethanol is the primary ingredient in Lysol spray and is highly flammable, especially under pressure. Prolonged inhalation in a closed environment will create headaches, cough, fatigue and drowsiness. Skin exposure might result in severe redness and burning. Lysol spray uses denatured ethanol, which can cause ethanol poisoning when ingested."

  
  
  Ok, so what's good about it?
  

  
  

  From the same website:

  
  

  "It is (also) recommended as a disinfectant for classroom use rather than bleach because Lysol (which is a phenol) will not damage clothing. When used on non-porous surfaces, Lysol will kill most bacteria including: staph MRSA and strep; E.coli; salmonella; and campylobacter."
  
  So it's a balance, right? You risk something to get something. Let's look at bleach.

  
  

  From this website:

  "...household bleach, without having been mixed with other products, can cause pulmonary edema, vomiting or coma if ingested."

  Delightful. What else?

  "The dangers of bleach are significant to your health and the health of your family. Accidents have happened where one person adds toilet bowl cleaner and another, following behind, will inadvertently add bleach. The noxious gasses have been found to cause fatal injuries."
  
  
  So the question is, why would anyone have these things in their homes? Especially with kids and pets around? Because we think we are doing more good than harm, right? We've been conditioned to believe we need these things to keep ourselves and our families safe from illness. 
  
  
  So what are the alternatives? Well, let's see what an internet search on "safe household cleaners" results in.
  
  
  My first search landed me on the website of the Shaklee company, one I have come across before. While I am having some trouble finding a source of what exactly is in there cleaning products, I came across an interesting bit on what makes other chemical household cleaners dangerous. Read that HERE. 
  
  
  And they claim: "...we were the first company in the world to obtain Climate Neutral™ certification and totally offset our CO₂ emissions, resulting in a net zero impact on the environment."
  
  
  That's nice. But I still can't find the ingredients of their products. Think I'll send them a message. In the meantime, some hold music....doododooddoododooodtumdedeeelalateedaaa....
  
  
  Well, I did hear back from Shaklee, and they sent me a pdf of every product and every ingredient. Hm. That's a company who has nothing to hide! Rather impressive. I haven't yet figured out how to share some of that info. here, but when I do, I will. I guess the bottom line is that if you can use something safe to do the same job as something unsafe...... USE IT. And there is nothing wrong with the old stand-bys, too. Vinegar, baking soda... hot water! I also use castile soap, which I like a lot. 

Health Eating - Baked Chick Peas

Yesterday, while munching on chick peas from a can, I did a quick search on chick peas. I came across a recipe for baked chick peas. So I made a batch. I'm not sure what I think about them. I like that they're crunchy, but I have not seasoned them to my preference yet. But I'll keep trying to see if I can. Here's how to do it:

Rinse a can of chick peas, and coat them lightly in olive oil. Season however you like. Sugar and cinnamon, garlic, or any spice combo you'd like to try.

Preheat your oven to 400*. Spread the chick peas on a cookie sheet, and bake for about 40 minutes. Given them a stir every 10 minutes or so.

The first batch I made came out crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside. I used a glass pan, a little more olive oil than it took to coat, and left them in the pan to cool. The second batch came out crunchy. I used a metal cookie sheet (see photo,) olive oil just to coat, and I transferred the chick peas to a bowl right out of the oven. Though many use garlic powder, I tried cinnamon and (weird) salt the first time, and preferred that to the garlic powder and salt. I'm still playing with it, and will post with any winning combinations.

This website says this (and more) about the health benefits of chickpeas:

"Garbanzo beans (chickpeas) 
provide an excellent source of 
molybdenum.  They are a very 
good source of folic acid, fiber, 
and manganese.  They are also a 
good source of protein, as well 
as minerals such as iron, copper, 
zinc, and magnesium"


*They also discuss potentially harmful issues for those with gout and/or kidney stones.